...still. I spent all morning searching for jobs that I might even possibly be qualified to apply for. When I could see the screen, anyway. I spent the better part of two hours crying off and on.
Yeah, my depression hit hard today. Not getting a call from the job that I just interviewed for didn't help. I finally had to listen to my iPod, just so I could more successfully stop dwelling on it. It didn't block it all out, but it helped. A lot.
I really don't know what to do.
I started debating whether or not to start applying to fast food places. I really don't want to. I feel I've put in my time with fast food, what do you do when no other companies seem interested?
And to make it even worse, I've been feeling, for the last month, that I've overstayed my welcome at my sister's house. Not that she would ever say that. In fact, she would probably deny it, if anyone asked her point blank. That doesn't keep me from feeling this way.
My parents offered to help me get into an apartment and support me there while I looked for a job. It's a very generous offer, and I truly appreciate it. It would make me even more stressed though, I think. There's the moving cost to get in. Extra bills to pay, because I need the internet to find employment, and I need it more than an hour at a time, a time limit that seems fairly standard at libraries. There would be the cost of whatever utilities I may be required to pay.
It just seems like too much to accept, to me. And yes, I would really like to have my own place. It would be a nice change, but I don't know that this way is best.
I did tell my parents that if I got a job, I would accept their help getting into an apartment, just because it would mean not having to wait a month before being able to move.
So I don't know what to do. I'm trying and trying, but nothing seems to be happening. It's getting more and more difficult to simply get myself out of bed and showered when I wake up.
I tend to discover new things about myself in the books I read, the music to which I listen, and the movies and tv shows I watch. I'm going to discuss these discoveries here. I may occasionally deviate from this plan, but that's my choice, right?