...still. I spent all morning searching for jobs that I might even possibly be qualified to apply for. When I could see the screen, anyway. I spent the better part of two hours crying off and on.
Yeah, my depression hit hard today. Not getting a call from the job that I just interviewed for didn't help. I finally had to listen to my iPod, just so I could more successfully stop dwelling on it. It didn't block it all out, but it helped. A lot.
I really don't know what to do.
I started debating whether or not to start applying to fast food places. I really don't want to. I feel I've put in my time with fast food, what do you do when no other companies seem interested?
And to make it even worse, I've been feeling, for the last month, that I've overstayed my welcome at my sister's house. Not that she would ever say that. In fact, she would probably deny it, if anyone asked her point blank. That doesn't keep me from feeling this way.
My parents offered to help me get into an apartment and support me there while I looked for a job. It's a very generous offer, and I truly appreciate it. It would make me even more stressed though, I think. There's the moving cost to get in. Extra bills to pay, because I need the internet to find employment, and I need it more than an hour at a time, a time limit that seems fairly standard at libraries. There would be the cost of whatever utilities I may be required to pay.
It just seems like too much to accept, to me. And yes, I would really like to have my own place. It would be a nice change, but I don't know that this way is best.
I did tell my parents that if I got a job, I would accept their help getting into an apartment, just because it would mean not having to wait a month before being able to move.
So I don't know what to do. I'm trying and trying, but nothing seems to be happening. It's getting more and more difficult to simply get myself out of bed and showered when I wake up.
I've had a nice, long movie weekend. My sister and her family went to California on a family vacation, leaving me alone in the house.
Which means, I had the nice, big HDTV all to myself.
Oh yes, it was movie time.
Before I started watching movies here, however, I went to the dollar theater. Wall E has finally made it to the ultra cheap theater in Provo, so I HAD to go again. Love that movie. Amazing!
Since then, I have watched The Incredibles and the Matrix trilogy. I'm going to try to watch Sky High and maybe Equilibrium tomorrow before the family gets back. It has been a lot of fun, and has made me want to buy my own kind of large HDTV.
You know, when I get a job and have money again. So, next never.
Anyway, as I watched the original Matrix movie, I remembered just how much I really enjoy that movie. It has great action sequences, and it really makes you think, as well. Popular sentiment about the Matrix has radically shifted in the almost ten years since it came out. When it was released on the big screen, then on DVD, everyone was excited about it. If you hadn't seen it yet, you were seriously missing out on a wonderful experience. The current popular idea is that it is very uncool to let it be known that you actually like the Matrix.
I believe that part of the reason for this change is the influence that the Matrix has had on films released since then. It popularized the use of wire-work in US films. Wire-fu had been in use in Oriental films long before the Matrix came out, but it is now common-place to see actors flying across the screen, performing stunts no man can perform unassisted.
The Computer Generated Image special effects that were so advanced and innovative are now comparatively primitive, although I think they still hold up.
The follow-up films in the trilogy certainly lack the intelligence and heart of the first film. It kind of got away from them. I watched them this weekend, just to make sure I was remembering my response correctly. There are parts of the the follow-ups that I am impressed by, but overall, I think I prefer to believe that the story ended at the end of the first movie.
Maybe I am biased towards the first movie. It has themes and ideas that I relate to rather well. I distinctly remember wondering if life was a dream from which I would awake. If memory serves, I think I was about 10 when I started thinking about it.
It's a movie well worth watching if you never have. And if you have, it's well worth watching again. No matter what your friends think of you.
"What do you look for in a girl?" I get this questions a lot. Usually from someone who is hoping to set me up with a girl I know and wants some clue as to possible future success of the set-up.
And here's the honest to goodness truth: when I meet a girl, I look for something in her that I like. I don't hope there's a prerequisite of my own in her. Does that make sense? I don't go in to a situation thinking, "if I don't see this or that, well, no chance." I try to find out about her and see I like about her.
That said, there are things that I think are bonuses if a girl I am starting to be interested in happens to possess.
Music ability. I'm not talking about blow-you-away ability with an instrument or her voice. But being able to carry a tune, and somewhat confident about it is a big plus. I like duets, and I like to sing them. I've got a decent voice and I love singing, and it drives me nuts when a girl says, "Oh, I don't like to sing around you, because you have a great voice." Grrr!
Smart and has hobbies. I like intelligent women. Someone you can have a real conversation with, and you don't have to explain everything, just points she's not all that familiar with. And hobbies! Yes! Have something you like to do!
(I'm afraid I'll get yelled at for this one, but here we go...) I like voluptuous women. Are you done yelling that I'm a typical male yet? Okay, now I can continue, because there is a good reason behind this. The women in my immediate family, with one noticeable exception, are large-chested women. I grew up with it. I'm used to seeing it. So these women that are little twigs just don't seem right to me.
And I don't really have any particular qualities or habits that are instant "get away from me" qualities.
I really depend on how I feel with any girl. If I feel comfortable with a girl and enjoy being around her, that's what I'll do; be around her. If I'm just not feeling it, then we'll probably go our separate ways. I don't break it down to what caused that feeling. I trust my instincts and my emotions. My brain's going to put it together, whether I consciously participate in the process or not.
...and no, I'm not considering throwing myself off of anything, in case that's what you thought.
Is it weird or wrong that I'm loving the music from a musical based on a book that I didn't like? Actually, my feelings against the book are even a bit stronger than that. I hated it. I almost got to the end, but honestly couldn't finish, I was so sick of it.
It's called Wicked, by Gregory Maguire. It's based on the Wizard of Oz movie, told from the Wicked Witch's point of view. She was really just misunderstood and a talking-animal rights activist. I honestly think I would enjoy a well written book that turns plots around and makes the Witch the heroine. But the book was crappily written and not enjoyable at all.
So why do I think I would enjoy seeing the Broadway musical? Well, the music is catchy and inspiring, for one thing. I find the song "Defying Gravity" particularly inspiring. "For Good" is a tear-jerker of a song that anyone could sing at any occasion where you are honoring someone that inspired you and affected your life. And "Popular" is hilarious and fun.
Plus, the original Broaway cast included Idina Menzel (famous for Rent, and also played Nancy in "Enchanted"), Kristin Chenoweth (played Sally in Broadway's "...Charlie Brown" and is currently costarring in ABC's "Pushing Daisies"), and Joel Grey (Who won a Tony and an Oscar for playing the role of the Emcee in Cabaret on Broadway and in the movie). So it has some great voices, some great songs, and seems like it isn't too faithful to the book, which, for me, is one of the stronger selling points.
So I want to see it at some point. I'm hoping I'll enjoy the show, and not just parts.
Who knows, maybe it's too similar to the book and I'll hate it forever.
I tend to discover new things about myself in the books I read, the music to which I listen, and the movies and tv shows I watch. I'm going to discuss these discoveries here. I may occasionally deviate from this plan, but that's my choice, right?