Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Songs I Almost Always Repeat...

Have you ever listened to a song that you enjoyed so much, you had to immediately listen to it again, maybe two or three times, before moving on to the next song? And then, after a couple more songs, you go back to that song again for another couple repeat plays?

No? Well, I have. Lots of times, really.

Here's a list of songs that I generally repeat when they come on my iPod or when I'm playing a cd. For the vast majority of these songs, I have cried at least once while listening to the song.

1. Creep, by Radiohead. I don't really like the original version, I much prefer the acoustic. Song written by a guy for a girl. The line I focus on is "'re so very special. I wish I was special, but I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..." Besides my almost constant sensation of not fitting in wherever I go, in most of the relationships I have been in, I have felt like I didn't deserve to be with the girl I was dating. She was too good for me, you know?

2. A Change in Me, from Disney's Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast. "There's been a change in me, a kind of moving on. Though who I used to be, I still depend upon. I've come to realize that good can come from bad. That may not make me wise, but, oh, it makes me glad." The first time I really listened to these lyrics, and paid attention to them, I spent the next ten minutes sobbing those huge, heart-rending sobs that you only get when you finely let your heart purge a poisonous barb that you've carefully nurtured and protected for too long. It still causes tears to well up in my eyes when it comes on.

3. Fools Like Me by Lisa Loeb. "Maybe it's the sanest thing, or just the sweetest kind of dream, but love was surely made for fools like me." Such a fun, upbeat, happy song about the crazy things that love does to a person. And I'm nothing if not a fool for love. Also in this category? "I Wanna Fall in Love" by Lila McCann.

4. Arms of Love by Amy Grant. "Lord, I'm really glad You're here, I hope You feel the same when You see all my fear. And how I fail. I fall sometimes. It's hard to walk in shifting sands, I miss the Rock and find I've nowhere left to stand. I start to cry, 'Lord, please, help me raise my hand so you can pick me up.'" The only reason I can ever get through 2nd Nephi is that during the chapters when he is quoting Isaiah, he includes the scripture that says, and I paraphrase, "through all this, His hands are stretched out still." It doesn't matter what we do, the Lord is right behind us, stretching His hand out, just waiting for us to finally turn around and make just a little effort to reach out to Him. I love that thought and recognize the responsibility it places on my shoulders. I have to make some effort, but I know that when I do, He is there, waiting for me to accept His help.

There's at least two or three more, but it's really late and I need to get some sleep.

So I may just continue this later.


1 comment:

julie said...

I have a hard time understanding why you think you weren't good enough for the girls you've dated. I can't speak for all of them, but I definitely wasn't too good for you.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You'd never have self-esteem issues again.

There are several songs that I repeat, too. One of them is (You Want To) Make A Memory by Bon Jovi. I love that song.