...especially you, Mom.
I went on a date this week. I had a wonderful time. And now I'm scared shitless.
See, here's the deal. I find the girl I went out with very attractive. She has tons of qualities that I look for. She's pretty amazing. Met her in my Creative Non-Fiction class. We had set the date for Wednesday night. On Tuesday, she said a bunch of her friends were going to a movie and did I want to go? Not to the ones her friends wanted, but we went to Despicable Me (great movie by the way). So I'm sitting there in the theater, in the dark, and I want to hold her hand.
The guy who moves at a near glacial pace when going out with someone. I like to think things through, be sure of what I'm feeling, what I want. So holding hands is a pretty significant first step. I didn't, but the fact I wanted to was very telling for me.
We had a fun first date: Dinner with good conversation. A reading by our professor at the local book store. Mini-blizzards at Dairy Queen afterward with more good conversation. I took her home and she invited me in. I met her roommates. They were nice. One went to high school with my niece. My date put her hand on my knee. I was surprised but comfortable with it. We conversed for a while. I almost pushed her off the chair, but restrained myself. Then I got ready to leave. I thought about going for a kiss.
Gah! What is going on? I think about her and my heart starts stuttering, making me nervous and jittery. I get around her and I want to be impulsive.
A week ago, I was thinking about requesting that my church remove my name from their records. Not because I was upset or anything, I just don't enjoy it and don't want to deal with it anymore. I think I'll give it another try. Not because she would want me to, because I think she'd rather I do things I want to do. However, I want to do it, because she deserves someone who's willing to meet her at least halfway. Who knows? Maybe me and the church won't work out, but I think she'll be okay with what I decide. We haven't discussed it yet, but I've been thinking about it. She's a returned missionary. So am I. I just returned a little more.
I think I'm crushing. Hard. And it's fun, exciting, nervewracking, distracting, exhilirating, terrifying and just plain great.
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