Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I don't have a particularly easy time making new friends. I'm an intensely loyal person, but also intensely private. I hold on to friends I've previously made and it takes me a long time to open up and trust acquaintances to the point that I consider them a friend.

Point of fact, about once a month I spend an hour or so trying to track down my best friend from the 2nd grade. His family moved to California.

I've noticed a recent trend. I realize everybody has their own life. I also realize that working a graveyard shift makes it difficult to figure out when I might be available. However, it's starting to bug me that with all my friends, I'm the one that has to initiate any sort of activity.

In fact, it's starting to make me a little bitter.

Out of my family, the only one that reciprocates initiation of contact is my little sister. We'll send texts back and forth. We'd spend time together, but she lives in Aurora, CO. We get together when we can.

With the few friends I have that are relatively close by, I have to suggest getting together. I have to follow up and make sure schedules sync up. I text and call back and forth with these friends, which is great, but when it comes to actually getting together, it's all on my shoulders.

I try not to be bitter and to accept things as they come, but that gets rather lonely, so I have to start being to one constantly calling and bugging people.

It makes me feel a little like the little kid from next door who constantly knocks and says, "Can he come out and play?"

Oh well.


refugee from reason said...

True friends, so to speak, are hard to find and don't necessarily grow a "friend" category from that of "acquaintance," in my view, anyway.

By way of definition of a "friend," back in the late 60s, I covered Vietnam. A soldier told me "A friend covers your back up a hill on a night patrol." Perhaps a metaphor now, but it holds for me.

My closest friend, who I've known, well for more than 50 years, and I had an issue about ten years ago. His wife died then and I didn't attend the funeral (as a rule, I don't, but did only for my parents). I called him about two months ago and we were almost at the same relationship we'd had. He forgave me (wasn't necessary); and visited with his new wife a couple of weeks ago.

On the other hand, my closest friend here is one I met only a few years ago...and fits my definition.

All of this to say, there are old acquaintances and ones you've never met all over the place. I'm sure you'll make new friends, given that.

I don't see how you can miss -- you certainly seem to be an articulate, intelligent and engaging fellow. Let life come at you full bore and see what happens.

And, I do understand being on the "calling" end, though I've never had any idea of what to do about that.

Adam said...

I'm working on the living life full bore idea. There's not much for a 30+ single guy to do here in Cedar City, but I'm working on it.

refugee from reason said...

"There's not much for a 30+ single guy to do here in Cedar City, but I'm working on it." My Dad used to say "Stay single and tell your children to do the same." (Perhaps I'm repeating myself, if so mea culpa

I've lived in smaller towns -- there's always something to do, someone to see,'ll figure it out.