"I feel, every now and then, that I want to bite someone."
That's from "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." Sung by Snoopy, it's all about wanting to give in to his animalistic nature and become a fierce jungle animal.
I don't necessarily want to be an animal, but every now and then, I just want to lash out at somebody or something.
It's probably due to internalizing everything. I don't enjoy making others suffer when I'm out of sorts, so I keep it to myself and slowly simmer in dangerous emotional juices. ( I think this is the first cooking analogy I've ever used. Go me.)
Anyway, the point, kind of, is that I'm tired of having a roommate and living in a tiny little box of a bedroom. I want my own place. I don't know if I can truly afford it, but I want to. I've found what seems like a decent deal. One bedroom apartment for $565 a month, which includes utilities and basic cable. It's close to where I work, which is a plus. And I think I can afford it and the other monthly bills I have. I think I would have to give up on having the internet at home, because I don't know that I could fit that in, but this place is also close to the town library.
Another thing to consider. Getting this apartment would mean giving up on the idea of finding a job that utilizes my talents better. But I'm okay with that, as I don't plan on being here after July of 2010. I hope to be in Grad school by then.
Am I rationalizing too much? Am I giving too much up? I don't know. But it feels like what I want, which is nice.
She's a Wonder, Wonder Woman
3 months ago