As much as I love the message of the Gospel, of my religion, I don't enjoy some of the most basic, simple obligations.
For example, I enjoy what I learn in the weekly meetings, but I don't enjoy the feeling of "have to go to the meetings." An example: when I get a calling, I don't want to be there, because now I have to be there. Another: I really do like the ward I've been going to since moving. I started going because I was NOT enjoying the Singles Ward I was in, despite their having a fantastic ward choir. Plus, I figured it would be a nice thing to start taking the elderly gentleman I live with. It makes sense, right? Well, now I dread going, because I feel obligated to go. Plus, I don't really like taking him in my car, because he smells. And yet, I don't know that I want to try and search out a new ward, because it's a pain, and I'm really not going to be here that long, right?
Yes, I know the textbook answers. "When I don't feel like going is when I most need to go." "This too shall pass." "Just do it."
And yes, I would still like to go to this ward. It has a lot that I like, except the time of day it meets. Stupid 1 PM.
But as much as I would like to make the Church a part of my life again, I need to be able to take is slowly and duck out if I'm really not feeling it. I need to feel like I can be there and enjoy it, but if I need to, I can leave.
I tend to discover new things about myself in the books I read, the music to which I listen, and the movies and tv shows I watch. I'm going to discuss these discoveries here. I may occasionally deviate from this plan, but that's my choice, right?