The Sense of Smell...

I've lost my chapstick, and that's probably a good thing. It was your normal, black label, Chapstick brand chapstick. Nothing special about it. However, every time I used this chapstick, I thought of Amanda.

Amanda was the first girl I ever kissed. After that scary, exciting night of the first kiss, whenever she wanted to kiss me, she would ask if I needed any chapstick. She would then proceed to apply said chapstick to her own lips. Then she would share that chapstick with me. It was fun.

When I purchased the chapstick that I just lost, I had no idea that it was the same brand that Amanda used. In fact, I had not thought about Amanda in quite some time, except to refer to her as "my psycho ex." And she was. But that's not the point.

Every time I applied that chapstick to my lips, I could smell Amanda. I don't use chapstick all that often, so it wasn't a constant reminder, but it was irritating all the same.

Stupid smell/memory response.

Defying Gravity, Again...

"I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change,
but 'til I try I'll never know."

Just re-watched a scene from an episode of Glee that aired two weeks ago. It features two voices I really enjoy listening to; Rachel, a soprano, and Kurt, a contra-tenor. They both audition for the lead in a group performance of Defying Gravity, from Wicked. As the song plays, it cuts back and forth between both performances, creating one musical number. I hope that makes sense. If not, it's not the important part, so no worries.

I don't know what it is about this song, or even this particular performance of this song, but I just started crying. The kind of crying that is deeply emotional. Cleansing. Cathartic.

Well, at least it would be, if I could figure out why it affected me so strongly this time.

I know that I tend to tether myself, trying to be more practical than dreamer. I try to find the happy mediums, the goals and dreams that I can accomplish; ones I can see the way to achieve.

But I don't think I'm having issues with being able to dream. I'm taking steps to accomplish some things I really want to accomplish. I feel like things are happening for me. I might wish sometimes that they would happen without so much effort on my part, but I don't mind making the effort, either.

So why did I get all emotional listening to Defying Gravity? I have no clue.

Beauty and the Beast...

Friday my computer contracted a virus so bad that I had to do a complete system recovery. It kind of sucked.

Now I have all the work of getting a new computer to where I like it, without actually having a new computer.

On the plus side, even though the system recovery deleted iTunes from my computer, it didn't delete my music files, so I haven't had to do any work as far as recovering my music library. That's nice. Of course, I still have to go through and redo my ratings for songs and find album artwork for many songs. That's kind of a drag. Oh well.

Money has been kind of tight recently, and I've been trying to watch what I spend it on. Of course, when money is tight, this is when Borders sends me 40% off coupons in my email. That's the one coupon I can't ignore. It's just too good a deal. On top of that, I recently earned $5 in Borders Bucks, which I would need to use by the end of the month anyway.

So I went book shopping.

I didn't really expect to find anything I really wanted. I was wrong. At the Borders at the north end of University Avenue I found the Starman omnibus. A very nice hardback collection of 17 issues of the very highly regarded Starman comic book series published by DC Comics. I've wanted to read this for a while, and with my two discounts I managed to save $25 off the cover price.

Now I know what I'm going to be spending my "extra" money on for the next while. I know there are at least 3 volumes out, and a total of six planned.

This is an absolutely beautiful work of literature. And I haven't ever used the word beautiful to describe a comic book before. I don't think I've even used it to describe any sort of book before. It's that amazing.

Normally, when I read a book, I blaze right through. I read really fast, and it annoys me sometimes. With Starman, I find myself slowing down, savoring the words written on the page. Enjoying the emotions. I haven't been moved to tears, but it wouldn't surprise me if that happened a couple times down the line.

How's that for a jump? From something I've never read to being my favorite comic book series.

I can't wait to read more.

Go Figure...

I've got some very fun activities planned for the next couple days.

I'm going to go see the Wizard of Oz in the theater tonight. Ever since I saw the ad, I've been so excited to see this movie I can hardly stand it. It's the 70th anniversary, and they've remastered the movie in high definition. So it'll be Oz like it's never been seen before.

Then, tomorrow, I'm driving to Cedar City. I'm going to talk to the school to see if I can at least get student loans so I can take the classes I need to take in order to feel qualified to apply for the Master's program I want.

Plus, I get to spend a little time with my friend Julie, and that's always fun.

So wouldn't you know it? Yesterday I get a fever. As in, I got home from work and put on sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt. And my lower back and legs were aching horribly. So last night I took a couple Aleve. They seem to have helped. I got some good sleep at least.

But I still don't feel great. Just better.

Go figure.

My Visit Home...

...was very rough on me.

My dad is suffering from dementia. We figure he has, or is developing, Alzheimer's. Hasn't been officially diagnosed, but all the indicators are there.

I went to Kanab to get my car inspected and registered, and to help my mom keep an eye on Dad. During the day, he's usually fairly normal, but once the sun goes down, he starts getting more and more agitated and upset.

You can't convince him to go to bed. Apparently, he's afraid that if he goes to sleep, he will die. At least, that's what he told my brother before. So I didn't get much sleep while I was there, as I would sit up with Dad until he went to bed, then I would lie on the floor in the room next to his, and try to sleep as much as possible. Then I would nap during the day for a couple hours.

Friday was really, really bad. He didn't get normal during the day; he was very agitated all day. He wouldn't go for a ride with one of his friends. In the evening, he said he was going to die because he wasn't breathing. I tried to explain that he WAS breathing, because he was still talking, but he just said we would see. He told my mom to give him a hug goodbye. Then he went to sleep. He woke up about an hour later.

He was up all night. He got me this morning, very agitated. I couldn't handle him, so I got my mom, who called my sister and brother-in-law. They took him to the hospital. The doctor on duty ran tests, then gave him a shot that would supposedly put him out all day, and most of the night as well. That was at 7 or 8 in the morning, but he was awake and agitated by the time I left at noon. I hated to leave Mom and Dad like that, but I wanted to go visit my brother and sister-in-law, and, to be honest, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I think he would do better if he would just sleep. His body is obviously exhausted, but his mind won't let him go to sleep. I don't know what to do.

My Life in Review: Wizard of Oz Pop Up Book

I recently was sent a 40% off coupon for Borders. I knew what I wanted, and the website indicated it was in stock, so off to Borders I went. And spent an hour trying to find something I wanted to buy, as what I had originally planned to buy was not there.

At the end of that hour, I remembered another book I wanted. And it was in stock!

It's a pop-up book. The Wizard of Oz. And it is a work of art. So I decided to include pictures in this review.

Here's the cover:

With each page turn, there is a large, two page spread pop-up diorama. There are also smaller pop-ups, with a lot more story included as well. In the smaller sections you meet Dorothy's fellow travelers, as well as see an action shot of the wicked witch melting. It's a great design.

Now, this picture may not look all that impressive, but the tornado actually twists as you open the book! It's amazing!


Here's the Emerald City. I like the architecture of the city. Also included are green spectacles to wear. If you're familiar with the book, you'll understand why.


The final picture is of the scene where the wizard flies away in the balloon. The balloon is suspended from string so that it dangles and sways when you turn to this page. Hanging underneath is the wizard in the basket. Sorry for the picture quality.


Anyway, this was a great purchase, and I love this particular depiction of my favorite book.

Song of the Week

I don't really intend this to be a regular feature, but I couldn't figure out what else to title this post.

I've been relating quite a bit to a Patrick Fiori song called "Je Ne Serai Jamais." It really fits, for the most part, how I feel about myself. Kind of cool.

Here are the lyrics in French:

Je ne serai jamais ni l'ombre d'un homme
Ni le pâle reflet d'un autre que moi
Je suis toutes mes failles mes blessures et mes fautes
Je suis ce que tu vois

Je ne serai jamais le héros de tes fables
Ni ce beau chevalier dont tu rêves parfois
Si je dresse mes bras en murs infranchissables
Tu vois je ne suis, je ne suis que moi

Je ne serai jamais ni prince d'illusion
Ni de ces beaux marquis si brillants et narquois
Je suis de mon histoire de mes passés, de mes passions
Je suis ce que je crois

Je ne serai jamais un regret pour mes pères
Un de ces baladins à la solde d'un roi
Et je veux des enfants toujours fiers d'être fier
Je suis ce que je dois

Mais je pourrais ma belle si tu le demandais
Décrocher les étoiles te couvrir de soie
Faire enfin de mes bras le plus beau des palais
Mais je ne serai jamais, jamais que moi

Je ne serai jamais, jamais que moi.

And my quick and dirty English translation follows:

I never will be the shadow of a man
nor the pale reflection of another person
I am all of my failures, my emotional wounds, my faults
I am that which you see

I never will be one of the heroes from a fairy tale
Nor that handsome knight you sometimes dream of
If I put up impenetrable walls around my heart
You'll see I'm not, not anyone but me

I never will be that fairy-tale prince
Nor that handsome marquis, so brilliant and mocking
I am made of my history, my past, and my passions
I am that which I believe

I never will be a regret for my parents
Nor a minstrel in the pay of a king
And I want children I can be proud of
I am what I should be

But I could, my dear, if you asked me
Bring you stars from the heavens and cover you in silk
And make by my own hands a palace most grand
But I never, never will be, anyone but me.


So, yeah, it's a very, very rough translation, but I really enjoy the song and relate to almost every line.

No, I'm not going to say which lines I don't relate to.

Coming soon, a review, with pictures, of a book I bought recently.