Adam: The Unauthorized Autobiography

My Reading Tastes

2012-01-26T00:14:00.000-08:00

Anybody who knows me, or who has read this blog, knows that I love to read. It's one of my favorite activities and has been for as long as I can remember.

Growing up, every member of my family loved to go to their own corner of the house and read. My older brother is famous for disappearing, only to be found reading in some odd spot, like, say, the woodpile. It was what we did.

I get attached to the characters in the books I read. That's why I read books over and over again. I like discovering new books, but it can be scary. I hate being disappointed by something I read, so it's easier to keep reading what I've read before.

Out of all the genres, my absolute favorite is Fantasy. I don't like Science Fiction, which often gets lumped together with Fantasy. I think I make the taste distinction because most science fiction is based on some scientific fact or possibility, whereas fantasy is most often pure imagination.

I like the escapist nature of Fantasy. I like visiting worlds where good and evil are fairly well defined. I like that a normal person can wake up one day with magical powers and save the world. It's a nice feeling.

And Fantasy taps into daydreams and, well, fantasies that I have. The last work of science fiction that did that was the movie the Matrix. I've often wondered, "What if this life is a dream and I just can't wake up?" I don't often dream of laser guns and flying through space. I dream of seeing the world around me in a new light. I dream of tapping into the elemental forces of the world and using that power to create something wonderful and new.

Not too long ago, I discovered a new sub-genre of Fantasy: Urban Fantasy. These are tales of magic and mythology that take place in the real world. These creatures that people think are just legends and myths are real, they've just been in hiding, waiting for a chance to step into the light and be accepted. Or they are struggling to maintain the secret of their existence. This again ties into my daydreams and fantasies. I like to think, "What if these creatures and people were real and had to exist in the real world? How would wizards and dragons and vampires and werewolves deal with technology and a population that doesn't believe they can exist?"

I love Fantasy. I want to write Fantasy. I make forays into other realms of fiction, but I always come back to the realm of the impossible, so that I can dream and wish that I lived in that sort of world.

What It Feels Like...

2012-01-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

...when I am depressed.

It usually takes me a while to figure out I'm actually depressed. Sometimes it can take days. Usually, the quicker I figure it out, the quicker I can get over it.

I know that depression is rather baffling for those who don't suffer from it, so I thought I would try and explain how my depression feels to me. I realize it is different for everyone, but I imagine that there are aspects that are similar, if not the same.

When I am in the middle of a depression, it feels rather like I am in the middle of a dense emotional fog. Any plans that I have for the future feel like they're rather unlikely to succeed, because I can't see that far ahead anymore. I try to stay on track, but it's hard to see the path and know where it's going. Even more immediate endeavors that are successful surprise me. About all I can see and cope with are my immediate decisions and actions. For someone, like me, who likes to plan ahead and choose my actions carefully, this state of mind is rather stressful.

I begin to fear talking to other people. Not because I'm worried about what they'll say to me, but because I'm worried about what I'll say to them. See, I'm an intelligent and clever person. Sometimes the first thing I think of as a response isn't very nice. It's clever, but not nice. While depressed, I can't always filter what I say, and I don't want to ruin a potentially long-lasting friendship because I'm depressed. Plus, generally, I try to be careful of the feelings of those around me. If I can't be sure of how someone will react to what I'm going to say, it feels safer to just withdraw into myself until I'm more in control of my words.

I find myself getting bored very easily, yet I find myself possessing a kind of nervous energy. I feel like I should be occupied with something, but can't focus. It's distracting and has a tendency to make me rather irritable.

When reading or watching a TV show or movie, I like to get emotionally involved in the characters. At least, while I'm in a normal state of mind. When I'm depressed, I can get too involved in the characters and it can have rather surprising consequences for me. About eight years ago, the seventh season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had just come out on DVD. I had missed watching the show while it was being broadcast, so I was very excited to finish off the series. Of course, I was in the middle of a depression and was a little too involved. During the course of the season, a character that had been around since the very first episode got his eye poked out rather maliciously by one of the season's villains. At the end of the episode where that happened, I came back to myself huddled up in the fetal position, crying my eyes out. I could barely breathe. Now I choose what I entertain myself with very carefully when I'm feeling down.

My last observation is that, while depressed, it's not that I can't feel happy. I do sometimes. It's more like there's a damper on my more positive emotions. If I hear something that would normally make me laugh, I'll usually just smile. If it would make me smile, my mouth will twitch. I still enjoy the same things, my enjoyment is just reduced.

So that's it. If i observe other effects the next time I'm depressed, I'll try to make note of it and make a post about it.

Current State of Mind...

2011-12-11T15:00:00.001-08:00

I came to a realization the other day. It's not really all that revolutionary or earth-shaking, but I feel like it's a pretty accurate barometric reading of my mental state lately.

I realized there were two songs on my iPod that were receiving more play-time than the others. I just kept repeating them over and over, alternating which song I was listening to depending on how I was feeling at the moment.

The two songs? Iridescent by Linkin Park and Al Fin Me Armé de Valor by Reyli Barba. I've started putting playlists together based on these songs, but I wanted to discuss why I was listening to these two so much.

Iridescent comes from Linkin Park's most recent album, A Thousand Suns. It's a surprising album, differing from the Rock/Rap that brought the group such popularity. I think it shows a group that's not afraid to mature and evolve in the music they perform. It will be interesting to see where the group goes from here.

The lyrics that have been speaking to me from Iridescent are as follows:

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go."

It's a rather concise and straightforward way to say, "Pick yourself up and brush yourself off." Part of the reason this speaks so strongly to me is the way Chester Bennington sings the lyrics. Guy's got a pretty amazing voice, truth be told, and he injects a lot of emotion into this song.

I've been listening to this on the days when I've been feeling more down and sad. I just keep hitting repeat until I feel better. And it has been working. It usually only takes a couple listenings before I'm ready to move on and be happy again.

Al Fin Me Armé de Valor is the basis for a new playlist I've entitled "Kiss My Ass." Really, the whole song is pretty key to making me feel better. If I wasn't usually wearing headphones when listening to this song, I would sing along as loudly as I possibly could.

Basically, Reyli sings that he's tired of all the crap his girlfriend has put him through. He's dumping her. He's finally armed himself with valor, with bravery, and he's dumping her, because really, he's put everything into the relationship and she's just abused him.

On the days when I'm fed up with the tensions at work and the changes and stupidity that the teachers have to put up with I listen to this song several times and I feel better. Happier. Vindicated.

It also works on the days when the students are little bastards that I want to squish under my feet.

I like these songs. I love listening to them. And I am so glad that I can vent through songs and I don't have to find another way to feel better.

Processing...

2011-12-08T14:34:00.001-08:00

I feel the need to work through some thoughts I've been having.

See, I enjoy my job. Quite a bit, actually. Sometimes I have rough days when the students are pains in the butt and my coworkers aren't much better, but overall, I have a pretty good time while I'm at work.

I feel appreciated and valuable, and that goes a long way to making me happy. There's nothing I dislike more in a job than feeling like my employers or coworkers are taking advantage of me. I like to be willing to help wherever and however I'm needed. When I start feeling oppressed, I want to say "no" to new requests, and I don't like being in that mindset.

In a couple weeks our winter month-long VIP program will be starting. We will have students here and they will stay for a month. It's a big deal and there's a lot of prep that goes into this program. I requested to work in Special Programs. Special Programs will still have new students every week and won't work with the ones here all month. I particularly enjoy working with the Special Programs coordinator (basically an assistant manager). She is an amazing supervisor and there's not much I wouldn't do for her.

At the Village, the teachers rotate between various shifts. There are two shifts running Monday through Friday. One shift works 9 to 6, the other 1 to 9. There is also a weekend shift. Whenever new shifts are being scheduled, I've requested to be on Monday through Friday so as to attend church on Sunday. I've never specified what hours I want to work. I prefer 9 to 6, though. It just fits me better personally.

For half of October and all of November I worked on the 1 to 9 shift. On the 5th of December I was switched back to 9 to 6. Hooray! Unfortunately, three weeks after back onto my preferred shift, I'm getting switched back to 1 to 9 for the duration of VIP.

I'm a little bummed.

I wrote an email to the manager. All I told him was that I was excited to be working with Special Programs but a little bummed to be shunted back to the night shift. That's all. And that's as far as my complaining will go. I don't see any point to bitching and moaning and begging to be on the morning shift. Sometimes I wish I was the type of person that could do that. I really do. I'm not that kind of person, though. I'll just do the best I can with what I'm assigned to do.

I'm a little worried about how this will affect the shift rotation following VIP. Will the manager in charge of shift assignments take into account that I've been working 1 to 9 for Special Programs? Or will she just look at the shift assignment email she sent out, see that she assigned me to the morning and condemn me to an additional two months of night shifts?

That's my big worry. I don't want to have to work the night shift for four and a half months with just a three-week break of blissful morning schedules.

I guess as long as I keep ending up on the Monday through Friday schedule I'll just try to be grateful for that.

On My Kindle...

2011-12-06T14:53:00.001-08:00

South Korea is a country that does not mind at all if you download torrents. I would say that the vast majority of internet-using people in South Korea use torrents.

While in Rome....Right?

Here's my plan. While here, I will enjoy using torrents. For a variety of reasons. One reason is that I just don't have the space to buy DVDs and books, then take them home. It just won't work. I did bring some DVDs with me, and I could probably take some home on top of what I brought, but there's not too much extra space. Books? Yeah, I could go nuts, but I probably wouldn't be able to get them home.

So torrents are a good thing.

I'm treating my enormous (over 3,000) collection of ebooks as a library. If I start reading a book and I just don't like it at all, I delete it. Then I move on to the next. I'm keeping a list of the books I love and will buy when I get back to the States and have the money to purchase a book or two.

I think it's a good plan.

Anyway, I figured I would share what's on my Kindle at the moment. After I downloaded well over 6,000 ebooks, I went through and sorted them. I got rid of the books I knew I would never read. Mostly romance novels and books by James Patterson. I feel kind of bad for singling him out, but really, with the quantity of books he supposedly writes, how can they be of any decent quality?

After winnowing out the chaff, I went through and sorted the remainders into genres. I ended up with fifteen categories, including "Books that look really intriguing." Whenever I finish the books on my Kindle, I reload using one from each genre. Or, if there is a trilogy or series of two, I take the entire series. It's a system that makes sense to me.

So here's what's on my Kindle at the moment.

My Name is Memory by Ann Brasheres.
The Heir Trilogy by Cinda Williams Chima.
Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul by Deepak Chopra.
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen.
The Perfect Woman by James Andrus.
Restoring Harmony by Joelle Anthony.
Googled by Ken Auletta.
Gutshot Straight by Lou Berney.
Deadwood by Pete Dexter.
The Spirit Books (two of them) by Rachel Aaron.
The Horns of Ruin by Time Akers.
The War of the Roses by Warren Adler.

I already deleted a mystery book. I read another in the same series earlier and didn't like it. So, once I realized I had a second from the same series, it went to the limbo that is deletion.

I am reading Googled at the moment. It has been interesting so far. Also, most nights before going to sleep I read a chapter from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz out loud to my wife. I have the entire Oz series by Baum on my Kindle for just that reason.

And now, back to reading, as I don't have as much time for reading while at work. I managed to create quite a bit of work for myself.

Movies Everyone Should See...

2011-11-26T01:04:00.001-08:00

When I decided I wanted to make a post about movies I thought everyone should see, I had two criteria for myself: One, that they be more recent movies, made within the last two decades. That leaves out a lot of movies, yes, but those are movies that have already been talked about so much that I don't know that I would have anything new to say about them. Two, that I should have five movies in my list.

Well, I managed the first item. The second, well, it seems oddly coincidental that I've only been able to come up with two movies for this list. I think they are two exceptional movies, however, so I'm okay with not having five. There is no order of preference for these two movies. And I reserve the right to add to the list if I think of more movies that should be included.

The first is Amèlie. It's a French film, but I don't think that should exclude it from the list. Oh, the wonderful things of this movie. Audrey Tautou's performance of the title character is amazing. She's just so much fun to watch. The other characters are full of life and nuances. The colors pop and add to the emotion. There are surreal moments that are divine. There are tender moments that break your heart. And it all culminates in a finale that makes you feel good about yourself and the world. Amazing movie.

The second is Juno. This movie also features an amazing performance by a lead actress, in this case Ellen Page. She portrays a quirky, unique girl who you just want to hug and protect. The other actors do well, but J.K. Simmons should be mentioned in particular. He plays Juno's father. He's at once wise and loving, but he has a funny, sarcastic side that adds a lot of punch. The film is full of witty lines and clever phrases. It's a mental workout that is so much fun you don't realize you're thinking that hard.

So watch these, if you haven't already. Good stuff.

It's...Different Here...

2011-11-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

...and I'm not talking about the big things, like culture or language. Or even physical appearance. And I definitely don't want to get into the tendency Korean pop-culture has to put androgyny on a pedestal.

No, I'm talking about the small things, the common things that affect my every-day life.

For example, my shower. Well, the bathroom in general. It was designed as a wet bathroom. No shower curtain. Just a drain under the sink. Chelsea put up a shower curtain. I was indifferent at first, but I think it was a good thing. The shower is a handheld job, so that can minimize the water on the floor if I'm careful, but it's easier with a shower curtain. Also, no matter how careful I am, I can't get a constant water temperature. It's either constantly heating up or constantly cooling down. That can be rather torturous, to tell the truth. Each time I adjust the temperature, I get about two minutes of comfortable water, then it quickly becomes either scalding or chilly. On the plus side, this makes me shower faster.

Convenience stores are tiny. Really tiny. The stores are crammed into any space available, no matter how small nor how oddly shaped the interior is. And the stores still have aisles of products. For the majority of the Korean populace, who happen to be skinny skinny skinny, this isn't a problem. For me? I feel like a bull in a china shop, like my slightest movement is going to cause havoc. At one particular Family Mart, I slide through the aisles sideways, making sure my bag doesn't swing and knock the products around.

The human resources department in the Village recently sent out a posting for an open Head Teacher position. As part of the posting, one line read, "This job is only available for senior Korean teachers." In the US, this would be an enormous lawsuit waiting to happen. Here? Not so much. The foreign teachers grumbled, but didn't really say anything. Mostly because it wouldn't have made a difference.

With the possible exception of that third point, I'm not saying these are bad things. Just different.

I have seen one nouvelle here that has completely blown my mind with how amazing it is. When I got my bank account, I was given a bank book. Now, I'm not the most conscientious person in the world when it comes to keeping my register up to date. I just don't. Here the bank book has a magnetic strip coded with my account information. Not enough to make a withdrawal or anything, I have an ATM card for that. No, inside the bank there are two automatic teller machines. I can stick my card in the one and withdraw cash. When I stick in my card it always tells me, "Processing time is the longest two minutes. Please wait." I love that. But the other machine, an amazing invention, is for the bank book. I open my book to the most recent page, tell the machine I want to update my bank book entries, then stick the entire book in. It will record all the most recent transactions in the book, even turning the page when it gets full.

Brilliant! Why can't we have these in the States? So convenient and practical.

I'm sure there are many other small things that are different here, but these are the ones that have been on my mind lately. I'll probably do another post later on with more.

I think I like it here. I still miss home, but Korea is a nice place to be. Even when I can hear the occasional firing of a gun or launching of a mortar.

Candor in Perplexity

2011-11-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why some people are so fascinated with butts.

I'm sure you've heard someone say things like, "Oooh, nice ass," or "check out that guy's butt," or any other variant. It occurs quite frequently. In songs, in movies, on the television, and in everyday conversation. It's everywhere.

Normally, when I don't share a particular affinity with someone, I can at least understand the appeal of the object of their interest. For example, Batman. I don't enjoy the character. Just not my thing. However, I do get that people like that he is vigilante justice and has a cool car. Not to mention the costume. I get it. I just don't share it.

But being fascinated with another person's butt? Nope. I don't get it. And here's the thing, I've tried to understand. I've spent some time observing passing derrieres, just to try and understand. I'm sure the passing people have thought I was just your normal, everyday lecher, but that wasn't the case. Everything I'm attracted to in a woman occurs above the waist.

I like intelligence. A sense of humor. Breasts. I am definitely a breast man. And I like strong women. A confident woman, who knows who she is is one of the most attractive qualities a woman can have. And I'll admit I'm rather fascinated by physically powerful women. Just one of my quirks.

But I don't get the butt thing. I just don't.

Well-Read in Korea (Part 2)

2011-11-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

I figure it's about time for an update on my reading habits. I decided to purchase a Kindle because keeping my normal book buying and reading habits wasn't feasible while living in Korea. They just weigh too much to transport back in my suitcase. Or to mail back.

The Kindle was a great purchase. I really enjoy using it. I'm tempted to try and elicit some sort of credit or something from Amazon because I've inspired several Korean teachers to purchase their own.

I've come into possession of over 3,000 ebooks. This number is after I went through and winnowed out the ones that I had no interest in reading. Mostly romance novels, but there were many others eliminated on the basis of the title or basic concept. Now that I have these winnowed down, I am attempting to read them. The ones I really like will go into a folder, then when I return to the States, I will purchase a physical copy. If I don't enjoy a book I've just started, it gets deleted.

So, here's the list. What I've read since August 24th.

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende
Sleeper Season One by Ed Brubaker and Sean Philips
The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Why Do Men Have Nipples? by Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Philip K. Dick
Fablehaven by Brandon Mull
Is Shakespeare Dead? by Mark Twain
The Fat Man by Ken Harmon
Fallen Angel by Peter David
Rise of the Evening Star by Brandon Mull
Grip of the Shadow Plague by Brandon Mull
Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary by Brandon Mull
Keys to the Demon Prison by Brandon Mull
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future by Michael J. Fox
Good Things I Wish You by Manette Ansay
Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan
The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition by Caroline Alexander
The Thunder Riders by Frank Leslie
Hounded by Kevin Hearne
Hexed by Kevin Hearne
Hammered by Kevin Hearne
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

I think it's a pretty good list. My favorites by far were The Once and Future King and The Fat Man. The Fat Man is a noir mystery set at the North Pole. The protagonist is a rather grumpy elf. Worth a read. I was amazed by how he worked in every single Christmas story, song or poem. It was pretty incredible. Most of the time it was pretty natural. There were only a couple occasions where the reference was forced.

I'll try and work up a real blog post before too long. For now, I'm going to read a book.

On to brighter...

2011-10-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

...and more positive things.

It's a foggy morning. When I don't have to drive in it, I love the fog. It makes the world around me so visually quiet. I get an intense feeling of solitude. The only things I can see are fairly close by, while the further objects become gray shadows, hints and suggestions of what they really are.

Looking out my window I could almost believe I was in London. I've never been there, but this is almost what I see in my head when I read "London."

Streetlamps on black posts rising up from brick sidewalks. Square, close-set buildings that don't sit all in a row, following the curve of the road they rest on.

Even the trolley-cart tracks fit in with my image. Does London have a trolley or light rail system? A quick Google search doesn't tell me, so I let the image stand. The tracks just seem to fit.

Or maybe I've been at the English Village so long, that I've bought into the idea that it's a good representation of an actual English village.

The geese have been migrating this week. Every morning as I've sat down at my desk at 6:30 AM to write I've heard the squonks of passing flocks of geese. Looking out the window, I've seen them flying East by Southeast in something approximating a "V" formation.

It's fall and getting cold. I've had to stop wearing my wedding ring for fear of losing it. In this cold weather my ring finger has shrunk significantly. One morning, I waved my left hand for some reason or another and my ring flew off and thunked against the bathroom door. Chelsea thought I was throwing things at her.

Despite my now ringless hand, I enjoy the colder weather. I tend to not feel the cold as much as other people do. I enjoy walking out into the cold air and stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets to keep them warm by pressing them against my stomach. I like watching my breath puff and dissipate when I exhale. I like the slight shock to my system when I inhale cold air.

Most of all, I love going home on a cold day and curling up with a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate and a book. It just makes me happy.

Crisis!

2011-10-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

Last Friday at our weekly staff meeting, one of the upper level administrators came in to talk to us. The guy could speak English, kind of, but wasn't comfortable using the language, so asked for the help of one of the other Koreans.

He told us the English Village was in CRISIS.

Apparently we're running out of money. The local province (think state) of Gyeonggi hasn't been taking in as much revenues from property tax, so the province government hasn't been able to provide as much funding as they have. And the Village doesn't really make money on its own. I think they try, but aren't really successful.

During the meeting the admin, I can't remember his name, basically asked us to be patient as they make changes. He stressed that the teachers would not be losing their jobs. I'm not sure how much I believe him, however. To make it through the end of the year, the Village has asked the government for 1.4 billion won. That's roughly 1 million dollars. There is no guarantee that the money will be available for us.

It's worrying. I'm a little unsure of what to do. For now, I'm just going to keep doing my job and hope for the best. We have students scheduled to arrive for programs starting on the twentieth of Oct through the end of the year. Plus, the big, month-long Vacation Intensive Program will start up in December. So I think I have a job through the middle of January.

I hope so anyway. I'm not ready to move back to the States just yet.

One Thing I Want

2011-09-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to sound prideful when I say this, but I'm good at a lot of things. Not excellent, not spectacular, but good. I can sing quite well. I play the piano well enough to enjoy it. I can sketch okay. I'm a good student. I think I'm a decent writer. I'm quite gifted at languages.

The problem with being good at many things and enjoying those many things is trying to dedicate time to improving them. Some activities are going to get neglected.

I have a difficult time deciding what I want. There are many things I'd kind of like to have or do, but it's easier to know what I don't want than what I really want.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this a couple times here before.

Well, I've figured out something I want.

I want to write.

The problem is i have to have certain conditions just right in order to write. I have to be in a place where I can be relatively free from distractions. I have to have a decent chunk of time, as it can take me a bit to get started. I also have to be pretty inspired to get going.

Ideally, I would have a private space of my own and two to three hours in the morning to dedicate to writing. I'm in a one bedroom apartment in Korea and I've traditionally been a night person. So private space is at a premium and waking up early is a difficult task.

I have writer friends who can write directly into a computer while watching a movie or the television. I can't do that. Movies or TV will sometimes spark an idea, but I can't focus enough to develop the idea while the TV is going. I also have to write my ideas out by hand before I can type them, but I actually enjoy that part and wouldn't change it.

I love the revision process. I love going over something I've written and finding weak words and phrases and making them stronger. Revision is something i can do while listening to music. I still can't watch TV, though, but that's okay by me. I get too into the revision to watch TV.

My revision process is probably not as efficient as it could be, but it works for me. The first revision is the process of typing what I've written into a word processor. This allows me to catch small problems and see what I've written with new eyes. After typing, I print out a copy. After a couple days, I will read the printed copy and make changes right on the page. After two or three readings, I will type the changes into the computer, then print another copy. I'll repeat this process a couple times. I don't know that I get to a point where I feel the piece is great, but I reach a point where I feel I can't make it any better.

What I would like to have is a group of people I could count on to read my piece and give me feedback. Fresh eyes will catch problems I'm blind to as the originator of the piece. Unfortunately, the people I've approached before to read haven't been good at leaving comments or suggestions. And yes, I'm halfway around the world from my friends from the creative writing classes I took, but I use Google Docs, so distance is not an excuse.

One of the reasons I enjoy writing is that it helps me process what I'm thinking about. It helps me figure myself out. In a way, writing is extremely relaxing. Part of the benefit is that when I'm writing I can focus on the words and forget about the other things that I'm worrying or stressing about.

What do I want?

I want to write.

Cliches Were Meant to Be Broken...

2011-09-25T05:07:00.000-07:00

Particularly this one: "Never judge a book by its cover."

Really? What else does everybody do every single time they go to the library or bookstore to browse for a book?

You go to the store, wander up and down the aisles. A book catches your eye, so you pull it off the shelf. If the cover looks interesting, however you define that, you will read the synopsis on the back, maybe glance through the bits of praise and see what other people are saying.

If the book doesn't look interesting, then you put it back on the shelf and walk on.

I get what the old cliche is trying to say: "Don't dismiss someone until you get to know them." But sometimes the cover doesn't lie.

I've spent the last several weeks judging books by their covers. Sometimes just by their titles.

I came into possession of around eight thousand ebooks recently. That's a lot of books, I know. I knew there was no way I would ever come close to reading each one, so I started to attempt to winnow the list a little.

First, I found all the duplicates. There were quite a few. Then I started consolidating books into folders under their authors' names. As I was consolidating, I would open the file that showed the cover. If it was a romance novel, it went into the trash. If it was a book based on Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars or a video game, it also went into the trash.

Eventually, I got to the point where if the title sounded like a romance book or included the words "A novel" after the title, I deleted the book. I've since relented a little when it comes to the words "a novel." They still bug me, because I know it's a novel, but I'll let it slide for now.

Now I'm working on going through and renaming each file so that it will be sorted by author in one big list, subdivided into genre.

It's a little monotonous, but I actually enjoy it. I listen to music and sort book files. Kind of fun. I'm still reading a lot and trying to get into the practice of writing every day.

And I'm judging books by their covers.

Life Is Just the Same...

2011-09-18T03:51:00.000-07:00

...here in Korea.

No, really.

See, I continue to read voraciously. That hasn't changed at all. I still buy books. The only way that has been altered is the quantity of books I purchase.

I've done quite a bit of shopping while here in Korea. I like having tangible souvenirs of the places I visit. So I buy things.

I decided to take a picture of the major things I've purchased up to this point. Why? Because I can, of course.

The books are (from left) Blankets by Craig Thompson, Fun House by Alison Bechdel, Sleeper by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips and Persepolis(the boxed set) by Marjane Satrapi.

I bought a man-bag in Namdaemun. It's handy and a convenient size. Plus: lots of pockets.

The bag is propped against the printer I purchased. On top of the printer is the wireless router. You can see the antenna!

There's a pipe and two pins that I purchased at the Mt. Odu Unification Observatory. The pipe is supposedly a product of North Korea. The pins are of the South Korean flag and of the observatory itself. The observatory is all about the propaganda of unifying the two Koreas. The message I got was that South Korea wants to unify to benefit their cousins in the North, but North Korea keeps screwing things up.

And last, but not least, is the Samsung Galaxy S II. Great phone. Best phone I've ever owned, actually. Here's the cool thing about buying a phone in South Korea: In the phone box, you get the phone, headphones, and a charger. All pretty normal. What makes the purchase great is everybody with a smartphone gets a spare battery and a battery charger. So you can use the phone while the spare battery is charging! Brilliant!

Oh yeah, I also purchased a 2TB external hard-drive. I like having it.

And there you go!

Adventuring...

2011-09-14T03:01:00.000-07:00

I have this week off. Monday was the Chuseok holiday here in Korea. It's generally a three day celebration, so Sunday and Tuesday were included. As I teach in a week-long program, I got the week off. And got paid for it, though it came out of my vacation days. Kind of a mandatory holiday. But I have twenty days total, so no big deal.

On Monday I went to Everland with a group of friends. Everland is Korea's Disneyland. Fun amusement park. It doesn't have as many thrill rides as Disneyland does, but the prices are more reasonable. Both to get in and to buy food and souvenirs once inside.

The first rollercoaster we chose didn't have a very long line, which was nice. The security harness did not fit over me. That wasn't nice. I couldn't go on the ride! Very rude. So I waited.

The next rolloercoaster I attempted to ride had a line that lasted 2 hours to get through. Crazy! I was able to ride, though Chelsea wasn't. This coaster was a wooden one that features the steepest drop of any wooden coaster in the world. Really! Look up "T-Express" on Wikipedia and you'll see I speak the truth. The initial drop felt like it was vertical. I'm sure it wasn't, but that's what it felt like.

My favorite "ride," however, was the Rotating House. There were fantasy paintings on the walls as I waited in line. Gave me something to look at. When I went into the room that starts the ride, a pair of gargoyles began to speak and argue with each other. One was evil and one was good. The evil one had an evil laugh and red eyes, so I knew he was evil. The good one had a kind voice and blue eyes, so I knew he was good.

I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying, though. All in Korean.

After the gargoyle argument, the group of park visitors I was with proceeded to the next room, which had four long benches, two running down each long side of the room. Once seated, a lap bar lowered down until I was securely held into place.

The gargoyles across from where I sat came to life, their eyes glowing red! The room began to rock back and forth! I began to get dizzy.

Then the room began spinning! I was staring down at the floor from up above it! It must have been magic holding me up there, as I was not pressing against the lap bar at all.

Then blue lights started shining from behind me, and I knew the good gargoyles had started to try and protect me. The room began spinning the other way, because the good gargoyles were trying to protect me.

Faster and faster the room was spinning. First one way and then the other. I didn't know when it would stop.

Then, with a puff of air that exploded in my face, the room came to a rest, the right side up. The evil gargoyles' eyes flickered on and off, then turned off for good. Thunder crashed outside, and lightning flashed through the skylight. I saw a demon's face in the skylight! The good gargoyles must have chased him off.

I thought I was safe, then I felt something moving underneath my butt, inside the bench! It scared me and I jumped! It ran back and forth underneath me a few times, then went away.

The lights came on and the lap bar went back up. The doors opened again, but the room on the way out was upside down! I felt like I was stuck to the ceiling!

Then I went outside the house and felt safe again.

....
Seriously, though, the Rotating House was a lot of fun. Sorry for the abrupt change of voice. It just came over me.

The last ride I went on was the Log Ride. It was lots of fun. I was in a log with Chelsea and our friend Brandon. I even bought the keychain with our picture in it. Only seven bucks!

It really was a fun day. Liked it a lot.

Photo Dump: Beautiful Bugs and Creepy Crawlies...

2011-09-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

Since coming to Korea, I've seen many amazing creatures. I try to catch them with my camera as best I can. I just wanted to share them with you.

I frequently see these huge black butterflies. But they move so fast and so rarely stop that it's hard to get my camera out in time to snap a picture. One finally landed in my vicinity, so I got a couple good pictures.

There are many dragonflies flitting around. I didn't realize they came in such vivid colors until I started taking pictures.

This spider was hanging out at the bus stop for Everland, an amusement park near Seoul. This guy was about four inches long. If you look at the full size picture, she (I'm guessing it's female due to its size) has a white skull shape on her back.

The next two photos were taken just outside the back gate to the English Village. This spider was about two inches long. If I were going to attempt to kill this one, or the previous one, I would want a flame thrower. I'm not going anywhere near that with a shoe!

And there you go!

Good Books Are...

2011-09-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

...a traumatic experience.

No, really, hear me out.

Anyone who reads more or less constantly knows that finding a new book to read is a challenge. And heaven knows that the ratio of good books to okay books is pretty small. And the ratio of okay books to crappy books is even smaller.

When you look at it that way, finding a book you like is a rather miraculous experience.

Let's say I'm at the bookstore, looking through shelves and shelves of books. I see a title that looks intriguing. It's not trying to be clever, it's not a pun and it doesn't give away key plot points. I read the author's name. Not someone I've read before, but I've seen his name mentioned in interviews where an author I enjoy is talking about authors he likes. So I think, "Hey, I'll give this a shot."

After making my purchase, I go to a restaurant or fast food joint, place my order and start to read.

So far, so good. The first chapter is enticing. I like the protagonist. I think I can see where the story is going to go, but there is a distinct possibility I'll be surprised.

Then I really start getting into the book. The supporting characters are well-formed and feel like real people. The settings are given enough description that I can almost see them in my head.

I'm completely pulled into the book now, starting to read faster and faster. I know I should take my time and savor the experience, but I can't help myself. It's so good, I just want to devour it. I stay up late, thinking, "I'll read through the next chapter."

I tell myself that four more times before I go to sleep.

When I wake up, and I mean alert-and-thinking wake up, not just get-out-of-bed wake up, I open the book again and keep reading over breakfast.

The next thing I know, I've finished the book, and I'm not ready for it to be over. I sit staring at the cover for a few minutes, the reader's version of an athlete catching his breath.

The glow, the rapture, of reading an enjoyable book is transformed into a new desperation: I have to find another book to read. I almost don't dare look for something new. What if I end up with a bad book? It takes me an hour or so to work up the nerve to browse my "Unread" bookshelf for my next affair.

I make my selection, praying it won't let me down. I open the cover. The smell of book wafts out and my eyes become unfocused for a moment. I take a deep breath and hold it to the count of five.

I start to read.

Well-Read in Korea, Part One...

2011-08-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in other posts, I read books. Lots and lots of books.

It's quite possible that I have an addiction, though I would claim that it was a healthy addiction, as opposed to others I may or may not have.

I've started keeping a book journal of what I have been reading. Well, not so much a journal as a list. Luckily, these books are available on the Kindle, which makes it easy to carry a whole bunch at once, so I rarely experience a delay between when I finish a book and when I start the next.

I am going to share the books I have read since the last week of June, when my books were almost all boxed up and I was ready to come to Korea.

Here is the list:
1. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain
2. Eve's Diary by Mark Twain
3. Extracts from Adam's Diary by Mark Twain
4. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor by Bruce Campbell
5. Stardust by Neil Gaiman
6. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
7. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
8. Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris
9. Club Dead by Charlaine Harris
10. Dead to the World by Charlaine Harris
11. Dead as a Doornail by Charlaine Harris
12. Definitely Dead by Charlaine Harris
13. Altogether Dead by Charlaine Harris
14. From Dead to Worse by Charlaine Harris
15. Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris
16. Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris
17. Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer
18. River Marked by Patricia Briggs
19. The Godwulf Manuscript by Richard B. Parker
20. Ghost Story by Jim Butcher
21. Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
22. The Lost World by Michael Crichton
23. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
24. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
25. The Girl who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
26. The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

And that's my list. So far. Twenty six books in two months is a pretty good pace. Don't know I will keep at the same pace, but it seems likely. I read.

A lot.

High School, Blankets, and Graphic Novels...

2011-08-21T03:31:00.000-07:00

This past week I taught students from Yeonchun High School. Most of the lessons/activities I taught were the same as those I teach for other groups. There were just two big differences. At the beginning of the week, when the students had just arrived, I interviewed half of them to determine how fluent they were in English. That was new. Then, at the end of the week, I helped them prepare presentations that they were to give in English. I also helped critique their presentations. That was also new.

When I found out that I was to be teaching a group of high school students, I wasn't all that excited. For the last month, I have been working the 1PM to 9PM shift, which means that my primary responsibility was leading group activities and games while encouraging the students to participate in English. One of these activities is a dance party, where the students learn many different dances, like the Macarena, the Cupid Shuffle, a dance to "YMCA" and many others. When I was in high school, I would not have wanted to have anything to do with that particular activity.

I was pleasantly surprised by how much these students enjoyed the activities, even the dancing. Of course, the night previous to Dance Party, we had watched "Iron Man," but didn't have enough time to finish it, so I promised the students that if they danced, we would finish the movie. That may have had something to do with their participation.

They were fun students and I am glad I got the chance to spend a week with them.

Quick side note: yesterday I bought a printer. It wasn't too expensive and I felt it necessary as when I write I like to edit my own essays on a printout. I felt uncomfortable with using the English Village's printers for this purpose, so figured a printer was a decent investment. End side note.

Every now and again I browse through Amazon's recommendations for me. This is generally rather amusing as my tastes are very eclectic, but now and then I find something I am excited about.

I found out that Top Shelf publications just put out a hardcover edition of Craig Thompson's Blankets, which is in the running for "Adam's Favorite Graphic Novel" (not an actual prize). Yesterday I went across the street to the Village's bookstore and asked if they could order it in for me. Yes, I could have ordered it from Amazon, but I like supporting local businesses, and the bookstore, as far as I know, is not run by the English Village.

I am very excited to own a hardcover copy of this book.

When I say Graphic Novel, what I am referring to is a work of fiction related to a comic book. However, a Graphic Novel is a single work, generally much longer than a comic book. In the case of Blankets, the work is 600 pages long. It took Thompson years to write, draw and publish the book.

So, in my definition, a Graphic Novel is an original work of fiction that is composed of two principal elements. 1: Pages composed of panels of artwork that tell a continual, visual (graphic) story. 2: Written elements that can provide insight into what a character is thinking, or provide additional perspective to what is presented in the drawings. Graphic Novels tend to come out once, unless they are released in series, which then are released often several months, or years, apart. Good examples, besides Blankets, include Stitches by David Small, Maus by Art Spiegelman (which, incidentally, won a Pulitzer, if that sort of thing impresses you. It does me.) and Fun Home: a Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel.

Comic books are serialized monthly, and these are most often 22 pages or story. The monthlies are (now) collected into volumes that usually include six issues. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Superheroes tend to fall into this category. Sometimes these collected editions of comic books are called Graphic Novels, but I believe this is misleading. They used to be called Trade Paperbacks, but they are now released in hardcover editions as well. I don't know that there is one perfect term to call them. I refer to them as Collected Editions. I'm working on a better title.

I believe that Graphic Novels frequently have profound artistic merit. Collected editions, not so frequently, but it still happens.

But that's just my opinion...

My Korean Name...

2011-08-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

I actually had a good week. I was teaching elementary school students this time around. I rotated between three classes of fifteen students each. Classes 1 & 2 were the oldest. I spent the most time with them.

My favorite was Class 3. I spent my week looking forward to the next chance to spend time with them. Most of the students were eight years old, though there were two who were six. They were tiny and super cute.

I got to teach class three a lesson about tornadoes. After the lesson portion, we made tornadoes out of two one liter bottles, a connector, water and food coloring. The kids were fascinated by the spinning water.

In the evenings, all three classes were combined for activity night. We played games, watched a movie and had a dance night. Unlike my last experience with Dance Night, the students actually participated this time. And had a lot of fun. Near the end of the activity, I told the students to get in a big circle to have a dance contest. One of the six-year-olds walked up to me, pointed at my belly and said, "Big circle." I cracked up. I couldn't help it. The next day, she pointed and repeated the phrase. Cute kid.

Later in the week, one of the older kids in Class 3, who also spoke English better than her classmates, told me I had a Korean name. She said my new name was "Bathangthang." I had her write it down for me and say it several times so I could get it right. When I asked her what it meant, she giggled and wouldn't tell me. I asked around, trying to find out what it meant. I figured it couldn't be anything too horrible, as she was just a kid, and Korean kids are generally quite polite, especially to their teachers.

Turns out, my Korean name means "big, soft belly."

And that is pretty accurate.

The Cafeteria

2011-07-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

As the English Village was built to help school-age kids immerse themselves in an English experience, it makes a lot of sense for the campus to have a cafeteria.

Included in the students' tuition are three meals a day in the cafeteria. As another option, the food places on the faux Main Street are also open at meal times.

The cafeteria has two levels. The ground floor is for students. When lunchtime hits, the line goes out the door and down the ramps leading up to the entrance. Teachers eat upstairs. As part of our salary, we are allotted funds to eat at the cafeteria once a workday. We still pay at the entrance, but are reimbursed. So, for 3,000 won, roughly $3, we get an all-you-can-eat meal.

After paying, I pick up my compartment tray and head to the serving buffets. The line starts at the huge pot of rice, a staple of Korean food. After the rice is a huge pan of kimchi, a traditional Korean dish made from cabbage. I usually take a little of this, but not much, as it is very spicy, and I'm not big on spicy. The rest of the food varies from day to day. Some days, there's not much there that I want to eat.

One of the dishes I particularly enjoyed was the lotus root. I'm not sure what sauce they made it with, but it was very tasty. And, according to the Korean teachers, it is very healthy. One day last week, the cafeteria served hamburger patties and French fries, tater tots and fried potato slices. It was bliss after several days of strange cuisine.

Also served are two kinds of soups. One is usually made with a clear broth. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold. The other soup is usually a cream soup, and that's what I normally go for.

Yesterday, I looked in the display case to see what was being served. The main course was fish. I'm not a fish person, so that was a bummer. I looked at the other offerings, but couldn't see anything that looked particularly tasty, so I decided to bail. I walked up Main Street to the pizza place and had a slice of combo pizza and a serving of spaghetti, with a glass of Coke. This meal only cost me 4,000 won. I was a little surprised how cheap it was, then remembered that teachers get special prices at the food places in the Village. Very handy.

I'll still eat at the cafeteria more often than not, but it's nice to know that I have other options, should I need them.

First Week...

2011-07-16T06:57:00.000-07:00

...and I think I did ok.

Better than ok, really. Teachers are generally assigned to two classes that meet together for homeroom. We see these students every morning at nine for an hour, then again at five for an hour.

This week, my homeroom included 32 thirteen to fourteen year old girls from Ho Sung middle school. I consider myself very lucky to have had them for the first week. They were very advanced as far as their English skills go and, for the most part, very well behaved. I even got to see them several times during other classes besides homeroom.

As part of introducing ourselves to our students, we let them ask questions about who we are. When speaking with girls, the most common question is if I have a girlfriend. I told them "No, I am married." They would always squeal with delight. Later on, during break times or when we were walking to their next class, they would ask me about Chelsea. When my homeroom girls found out Chelsea taught at the Village, they were excited to meet her, then sad when they didn't get to.

These girls would always yell, "Adam Teacher! Adam Teacher!" whenever they saw me. It was a good booster for my confidence. Especially during a week when I had no clue what I was doing.

The last lesson we teach in the Village, the last Homeroom, isn't really a lesson at all. It's a chance for the students to write short postcards to their favorite teachers. I figured a few of my homeroom girls would write to me, and I was excited to see what they had to say. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be in the last homeroom with them because I had to go to the hospital for my medical exam. It's required by the Korean government, so no way around it.

After the closing ceremony, I walked the girls to their homeroom, then told them I was very sad they were leaving. I said I wanted to enjoy this last hour with them, but had to go to the hospital. I thanked them for making my first week so enjoyable. As I left the room, a chorus of goodbyes followed me. One girl jumped up and ran towards me and gave me a candy bar.

After my medical exam, I returned to the Village and went to the teachers' preparation room to wait for our afternoon meetings. I was very glad to see a stack of postcards waiting for me. The girls had written some very sweet things that made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes.

Here's the one that made me and Chelsea laugh, but also made me feel like I had done a good job:

It was a great first week.

Now in Korea...

2011-07-11T02:15:00.000-07:00

...and trying to settle in.

It's been interesting so far. We left Cedar City at 5AM on July 6th. We actually arrived in the village at 8PM on July 7th. It was a lot of traveling. And we had to wake up and go to work the next morning. Really, it was only a half day, as the students leave on Fridays after lunch. So that wasn't too bad. But afterward we had meetings with the other teachers and a sort of orientation with one of the head teachers.

Today, Monday, we actually started teaching. But more on that in another blog, once I've actually figured it out.

I wanted to talk about the Village itself first. It's kind of like Disneyland. No, really.

These first three pictures kind of illustrate my point. The first is the big, "Hollywood" style sign on the hill just around the corner from the entrance. Well-lit at night, you can see it from a ways away, even when it's raining. The second is a sign that appears every 20 feet, more or less, on the wall surrounding the village property. Sometimes these signs are completely hidden by the ivy growing down the wall. The third is the main entrance to the village. Yep, that's a replica of Stonehenge.

These next pictures are of the village itself.

This is the main plaza of the village. The cafeteria is at the far end of the photo, and the buildings on either side are the main teaching areas. The Head Teachers' office is on the left hand side.

Through the archway and up the hill is our apartment. The trolley tracks are functional, but the trolley apparently isn't. The village has four little carts that people and ride in and peddle along the trolley track. Good way to see the village. The carts have power, as well, so they can always get back up the hill.

This is the view from the other end of the street. We're about three buildings down on the left.

More of the campus, just showing how close the foliage comes to the village. The building on the left holds classrooms and the one on the right is the closest of the student hotels.

Big fountain, with the weekend crowds .

Path heading to teachers' apartment buildings.

Stone pathway leading through the trees, still on village grounds. This one heads down to a rather dirty pond, that has a nifty wooden walkway over it. I'll have to take some pictures later.

Shot of the nearby rice paddies and housing near the village. Very picturesque, I think.

I'll do a full blog about our apartment later. With pictures, of course.

So, about the Disneyland statement. See, the village is full during the week with students from Korean schools. They stay on campus, in "hotels" named after native cultures from all over the world. Incas. Aztecs. Navajos. Aborigines. You get the idea. On the weekend, families can come and visit to have an "English Experience." They do English-oriented activities and games and shop in English-style stores. It's kind of amusing, really.

While Chelsea and I were wandering around the village Saturday, getting a feel for its layout, we were mobbed a couple times by kids asking for our names and signatures. They had to find ten different people and ask this in English. Some did better than others. While we were in the gift shop, the proprietor asked us to help a little Korean girl say "How much is it?" And when I say "little," I mean maybe four years old. She did well with the imitation and was super cute.

As the visitors wander around, speakers are playing children's songs and fully dramatized versions of fairy tales. On repeat. And the prices in the shops and restaurants have been elevated to theme park levels. Almost. Teachers do get a small discount at the food places. Every little bit helps.

It's a fun place to live, overall. However, the we have to go into town to do "real" shopping, and that means a taxi, usually. We can take a shuttle, then taxi back. It all means communicating somehow in a language I don't know. All I can say is "thank you," "Belly-button," and "that sleepy feeling you get after a meal."

Only the first is helpful.

Testify!

2011-06-05T18:54:00.001-07:00

I don't know if this happens with other religions, but in the Mormon church we have what is known as "Testimony Meeting." This happens the first Sunday of every month. The premise is to set aside the first meeting, where all members of the ward meet together, so that those who feel so inclined can share their feelings about the Gospel.

I have mixed feelings about Testimony meeting.

There can be many wonderful thoughts and stirring experiences shared. I really like those particular testimonies.

There are a couple "kinds" of testimonies that I dread. The travelogue, where the speaker gives a long, winding story with too many details to explain why he feels the way he does. And there is the overly emotional testimony, where the speaker starts crying so hard that you can't understand her. That just gets uncomfortable.

Today, for example, one member of my ward stood up and said, "It's been a long road to get to where I am with the Church today..." At that point, I stopped paying attention and thought about other things. She may have had some important things to say, but as soon as I found out it was going to be a travelogue, I just couldn't listen anymore.

Does that make me a bad person?

Moving Forward...

2011-06-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest. I've had moments of serious doubt about actually going to South Korea.

It has felt at times as though most of what could go wrong was going wrong. I felt completely powerless; not a feeling I enjoy having. Everything we have planned from 2012 on depends on us going to Korea.

I've quit my job. Turned down a position with Wells Fargo. Put off applying to grad school for another couple years. I've got students loans coming into payment. Bills. We received some very generous monetary gifts for the wedding, and that has helped us survive, but we've pinned everything on actually getting to Korea and earning two salaries there.

Our papers finally arrived at the school. After a week-long clearance delay. Really? On documents? A week to say the envelope is ok? Wow.

However, now that we're on to the next part of the process, I feel hopeful about actually getting there soon. It's a nice feeling.

And I'm feeling like my life is moving forward again.

Things That Make Me Happy...

2011-05-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

I deal with occasional depression. It's not bad enough to need medication, for which I am grateful. It does bring me down and cause issues until I deal with it and move on. I get so involved with dealing with my depression that I forget to notice the things that make me happy.

I've been working on being more aware of the good things that happen around me, even if they are small, so I thought I would share some.

In between quitting my job and getting ready for my wedding (more on that later), I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law. One day, as I was getting ready to leave to run some errands, I told my brother, Thearon, "Well, I'm off to see the wizard." He thought for a second, the looked at me and said, "You should ask for some courage." I was a little puzzled. I got the reference, of course, I'm a huge Wizard of Oz fan, but I didn't see how that particular reference applied to me. So I said, "Why do you say that?" Thearon said, "Well, you already have brains and a heart."

I grinned about it for the next two days.

I quit my graveyard shift desk clerk job. I no longer have to deal with astonishingly stupid people every day. This definitely makes me happy.

She'll get after me for not putting this first, but I married Chelsea nine days ago, on Friday the 13th. We kept things simple and as stress-free as possible. We enjoyed the short ceremony and our brief reception. It was a good day and she makes me happy.

For our honeymoon, we road-tripped to Spokane to see the Broadway musical Wicked. It was a fun trip. Montana is surprisingly (to me) beautiful. There were several things that we thought were funny or unusual. Exit Zero in Montana is the tiny, almost dead town of Monida. Idaho Falls, ID, has no organization whatsoever. We drove around, trying to find somewhere to eat and were a bit confused. Near Anaconda, MT, we saw a obelisk-looking tower I dubbed "The Tower of Sauron." Turns out it's a smelter, which I found out after searching the area on Google Maps. Every Rest Area exit sign in Montana also lets the traveler know how many miles there are until the next Rest Area. I didn't hear Chelsea tell me she needed to use a Rest Area until I was already passing the exit. I felt bad, but we laughed about it. At least we did once she was able to use a restroom. In Idaho, we crossed Clark Fork I don't know how many times. And the department of transportation had apparently decided to repair most of the bridges at the same time. Chelsea and I both loved Missoula, MT. It is a neat city. Wish the university there offered a program I want.

Spokane was fun. We stayed within walking distance of the theater. We also enjoyed walking around the downtown area. We visited a fun shop called Auntie's Bookstore. We bought lots of books on our honeymoon. Walking the bridge over the Spokane River, we saw an abandoned nest with eighteen eggs. We saw lots of pretty birds and many birds of prey.

I was happy to get back to Cedar City, though, as I was very tired of driving. I drove the entire way. My car gets better mileage, but Chelsea can't drive a manual. I enjoy driving though, so it wasn't too bad, just tiring.

I'm happy to be married and I'm looking forward to going to South Korea. Which should happen in the next couple weeks.

We hope.

I Always Feel Like...

2011-04-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

...a one-hit wonder from the eighties.

For the year and half that I lived in Mesa, Arizona, I worked at a call center for Compass Bank. The center was located in a business complex in Tempe. The grounds for the complex were quite attractive. I was a little surprised by the amount of wildlife I saw on the grounds, in the middle of the Phoenix-Mesa-Tempe metropolis.

Most evenings, as the sun was going down and I was leaving work, I would see wild rabbits running and jumping and playing on the lawns near the large bushes.

One Saturday morning, I was going in for my shift and saw a covey of quail running across the six-lane avenue. The mother and father in the lead, six chicks running along behind, their little tear-drop feathers bobbing from their foreheads. After that I often saw the covey scratching around in the bushes, heads pecking at choice insects.

At one point the sprinkler system sprung a leak, creating a small pond in the middle of one of the sections of lawn. While the pond existed, there were always a couple ducks hanging around, enjoying the privacy the small pond afforded them. I loved the way the metallic blue and green feathers glistened in the sun.

And there was this bird.

I don't know what kind of bird it was. I haven't been able to find a picture of a similar one anywhere. It was always by itself. Its breast and belly and part of the head were an off-white, maybe eggshell, maybe a really light beige. The wings were a dark brown. While the base of the head was the beige, there was a dark brown mask around the eyes and a skull cap of the same brown. It had long, thin legs. It was always near the same spot, looking around, rather nervous. It hung out on the ground, and ran around. It could fly, but seemed to prefer not to.

One day, I decided to get a closer look. I drove up close to where it was laying on the asphalt. It didn't get nervous, really, just turned around, settled back down and fanned its tail out. The action seemed a little saucy and just a touch arrogant.

The only time I ever saw another of its same species was when it had its chick with it. Guess that's why it was always in the same spot.

I quit working for the bank and moved back to Utah, living in the Provo area. The next year I got a job delivering for Domino's Pizza in the Spanish Fork/Mapleton area. One day, driving back to Spanish Fork from Mapleton, I saw a spindly-legged, masked bird by the side of the road. Just one. I stopped and backed up, as I was the only car on the road. Sure enough, it looked almost exactly the same as the one I had seen in Tempe.

I later saw a similar bird in Provo in the apartment complex I lived in. Just the one.

Last night I was coming back from taking out the garbage when a bird flew out from the bush I was walking past. It landed in the parking lot a few feet away and quickly settled down on the asphalt. I stared at it for a moment. There was white. And a mask over the eyes. It was dark and I wasn't sure of the colors. I took one step in the bird's direction, just to see if my suspicion was correct. The bird flew off as soon as I moved.

I don't know that it's the same bird every time. Seems a little unlikely. But, really, why do I always see just the one? It creeps me out just a little every time I see one of these birds.

I'm starting to feel like somebody, or something, is always watching me.

Good Entertainment...

2011-03-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

...should inspire. At least, that's what I think.

And I'm not talking about the "gee, I should really turn my life around and be a better person" type of inspiration, though that's not a bad result for entertainment to have. No, I'm talking about the type of inspiration that leads to new ideas. Creativity.

I just finished watching the second season of Dollhouse on DVD. Literally just finished. Two minutes ago. It inspired me for story ideas for a book series idea that's been slowly developing in my head. And on paper. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can keep track of all the ideas I have for it in my head. I write it down.

There are two television creators who have been truly inspiring. For me anyway. One would probably be rather surprised to mentioned in the same sentence as the other, and the other is dead. Joss Whedon and Jim Henson. Joss created Dollhouse, Firefly, Angel, Dr. Horrible's Sing-along-blog and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jim is most know for the Muppets, and rightly so. However, he also came up with Sesame Street, the Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. The one thing Jim has over Joss is that, at least to me, he is the "better person" inspiration as well as creative inspiration.

What works do I find inspirational? Let's see. The Muppet Show. Dollhouse. The Dresden Files series of books by Jim Butcher. Starman by James Robinson. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and The Patchwork Girl of Oz by L. Frank Baum. Runaways by Brian K. Vaughan. Top Ten by Alan Moore. The Nightwatch series of books by Sergei Lukyanenko. Bestiario by Julio Cortázar. Pan's Labyrinth by Guillermo del Toro. Singin' in the Rain (not sure of the director or writer). M*A*S*H (the TV series). Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

There are many others, I'm sure, but that's a pretty good sample.

I like it when I'm reading a book or watching a DVD and I have to stop so I can write down a brainflash I just experienced. I'm sure it'd be rather annoying for those around me who aren't having the brainflash, but that's ok. I'm sure they'll understand. Or tolerate it.

It's not surprise that those works I find inspiring are also generally emotional experiences for me. I like having an emotional connection to my entertainment. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy "mind candy" as much as the next person, but I enjoy the cerebral element of entertainment so much more.

I just finished watching Dollhouse on DVD, but the inspiration it gave me is going to take me places I can't even imagine right now.

And that is good entertainment.

Alan Moore...

2011-03-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I'm not sure where I stand on the great comic book geek opinion scale when it comes to Alan Moore.

He's generally regarded as one of the greatest comic book writers ever, and is almost certainly the most influential. Personally, of the other writers on that list, I greatly prefer Neil Gaiman, but that's not the point.

See, Mr. Moore's status is generally derived from one particular work: Watchmen. It was a twelve issue series published monthly during 1986. Right around that time, Mr. Moore also wrote V for Vendetta and From Hell. All considered masterpieces, and they've all been turned into movies. I've never read V for Vendetta or From Hell, so I can't really comment on those, but I don't really like Watchmen. I can see why other people do, but it's just not my thing. It has compelling characters, unexpected plot twists and simple vibrates with story power.

I can't put my finger on precisely what it is that makes me not like Watchmen. The art is really well done. The story is just so dense. Maybe some day I'll try reading it one chapter a week. Space it out. See if that helps.

Honestly, my favorite work by Mr. Moore is Top Ten. It's a twelve issue series about the police force for a city where everyone is a superhero or villain. Everyone. It's a great idea, but where the book shines is the character work. These characters are all so fully realized. None of them is a one-dimensional parody.

There is one character, not even my favorite, but when she dies, I choke up. Every time I read the book. Sometimes I can't even see the page.

Mr. Moore also writes the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, wherein some famous literary characters, such as Mina Murray, Allen Quartermain, Captain Nemo, the Invisible Man and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are a team of agents working for the British Government. It's a brilliant idea and well executed. They made a movie, but it was rather awful, in my opinion.

Mr. Moore also has some works that I want to read. Promethea for one. I have no idea what it's about, but every review I've read raves about it, but can't really describe it. That intrigues me.

I kind of want to read Lost Girls, but I don't think I ever will. The basic premise is that Alice, Wendy and Dorothy get together and recount their sexual exploits. In an interview, Mr. Moore said something to the effect that he wanted to write literature that was porn. I don't know if I'll ever know if he succeeded.

When you see pictures of Mr. Moore, he comes off rather frightening. Huge beard, long bushy hair, circles under his eyes, rings and talismans on each finger. And he's a practicing witch. But he's rather soft spoken and gracious. I listened to a recording of a radio interview he did when Lost Girls came out. He sounds like a happy, friendly Brit. And I'm sure he is.

It'd be interesting to sit down with Mr. Moore and chat with him, but I have no idea what I'd say or ask. At the very least, I wouldn't ask him about Watchmen, which would be somewhat refreshing for him, I'm sure.

I'm fascinated by Alan Moore, but he's not my favorite writer.

Just Started...

2011-03-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

...The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck.

The first chapter completely blew my mind. I never thought that the description of an Oklahoma dust storm would so thoroughly captivate me.

I can't wait to read the rest of the book.

On the subject of reading, I don't think I'll be able to get through my entire collection before I move and get married. There's just too much to read. So, what I plan to do is read the books I own that I haven't read. I think there's about twenty. In English anyway. Very do-able. Then I'll re-read more books. At some point I'll get through my foreign language books, too.

And, of course, I keep buying new books. It's like a disease, or an addiction. And I don't want to be cured. Or rehabilitated.

How to Complain...

2011-03-20T03:51:00.001-07:00

...without making your customer service person want to kill himself.

I honestly think that "The customer is always right" is the worst phrase ever invented. Why? Because it makes customers think they are entitled to treat other human beings like crap, just because said human beings happen to work in a customer service position. I generally alter the phrase in my head to say "The customer is rarely right and usually stupid." Rude, I know, but it makes me laugh.

Things go wrong. I get that. And as a customer, I like for things to be made right. However, there is a right way to go about getting things made right. The main point in mind is to keep calm and be polite. You can make it understood that you are not happy without blaming the person you are talking to.

This work week has been hell. I'm looking forward to the end of April when I can quit my job to move on to greener pastures (in Korea, natch). I've had two particularly rotten customer experiences that illustrate how not to complain.

I had a reservation check in about 1AM. I was in the middle of cleaning the lobby. I got the lady checked in, gave her a key to the room and locked the door behind her after she left. I started vacuuming. I stopped a couple minutes later when this lady knocked on the window. She told me her key didn't open the door. I apologized and asked what lights flashed. I ask this because sometimes the door doesn't close all the way and a jerk on the handle solves the problem. This wasn't the case, so I made a new key. As she left, she said, "This better work. It's late and I'm tired and just want to sleep. I don't want to wrestle with the door." I understand the frustration, but it was not my fault she arrived so late. And I have no control over the door locks beyond simple fixes and making keys. I watched as she opened the door, just in case the new key didn't work. She got in fine. But it was unnecessary to blame me for the problem, as her tone made it clear she was doing.

The following morning, I got a call from an irate guest. "My shower went cold. I can't believe you charge so much for a room and then let us take cold showers." It was my fault the shower went cold, rather than the result of half the guests in the almost full hotel taking showers at the same time. And yes, taking a cold shower isn't fun, but there's no need to call the clerk and chew him out for 10 minutes for something he has no way of controlling. To be honest, I don't really feel bad for people who get cold showers occasionally in hotels. For two years in Peru I had cold showers, when I happened to have running water.

To sum up, if you're unhappy with a service or product, state your complaint in a calm manner. Don't flip out and start ranting. It serves no purpose. If it's something that can be fixed, ask for the situation to be resolved. If it can't be fixed, ask if a refund or reduction in price is possible. The calmer you are, the more likely it is that the person you're complaining to will be willing to work with you.

Las Vegas, Here We Come...

2011-03-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

...and I am so ready for a vacation.

I am looking forward to spending a couple days with Chelsea. That will be nice.

Of course, there's the long-time bachelor in me that somewhat wistfully is wishing I could go alone, but he doesn't get a vote. Heh.

I really am looking forward to this trip. Lots of fun things planned. Some really typical tourist things, and some not so typical. We're going to visit Freemont St, as I've never been. Don't think Chelsea has either. The Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Go up the Stratosphere Tower. We're staying in the hotel there. Probably going to go to the M&M factory. Other things as they occur to us.

Oh yeah, we're planning on the Peruvian restaurant. Should be good. I hope.

Anyway, looking forward to a fun couple of days. Hopefully I'll be a little relaxed when we get back.

Would be nice.

Welcome Back, Shakira!

2011-03-08T15:51:00.000-08:00

I've liked Shakira's music since the end of 1996.

I had been in Peru for about 6 months. I was a missionary. We weren't supposed to listen to "worldly" music, but I couldn't help hearing her music as I walked down the streets. Her music appealed to me. There was a earnest quality to it that grabbed my imagination.

So, on my way back to the states, a year and a half later, I bought her album, "Pies Descalzos." I loved it and listened to it constantly. When her second album, "¿Dónde Están los Ladrones?," came out, I bought it as soon as I could find it. This was before iTunes of course. I loved that album too.

Then she decided to join the Latin invasion popularized by Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias. She released two albums that were primarily in English. I didn't like these as much. Her music didn't sound as natural anymore.

It wasn't as heartfelt.

So I kind of gave up on her. I didn't follow what she was doing and I didn't buy her next album. I think it was called "She-Wolf," but I could be wrong.

Then, a couple weeks ago, I heard a preview of a new single from Shakira. It was in Spanish. And it sounded good. It sounded like Shakira, just an older, wiser, more musically mature Shakira.

I was nervous, but decided to listen to the minute and a half previews of the songs on the album. They sounded intriguing. I liked most of them.

So I bought the album, "Sale el Sol," using the last of my prepaid money for an alternate download service. I'm glad I did. The songs are good. Heartfelt. Honest.

I'm a fan again.

Not Sure What I Think...

2011-03-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

...but last night I felt the need to create a new, private blog to be my online journal.

I'm a little conflicted about this, as I like being open and vulnerable to those who read this blog. However, I do have thoughts and observations that I wish to keep to myself, yet type out. In this way I am usually able to work through whatever issues I'm having. And if I let everyone read these thoughts, there are some who may be unnecessarily hurt or offended. And here I'm thinking of those closest to me: my mother, my sisters and my fiancee.

Hence the private journal.

I think it will be a good thing, and there may be posts there that I mirror here, but for now it's nice to have the separation, and I feel a little more free.

It Is What It Is...

2011-03-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

Life is life. I like to think that I'm fairly easy going and willing to take things as they come. Unfortunately, I also know that I don't deal with surprises all that well.

I'm talking about big surprises. Life-altering surprises.

Chelsea and I got hired to go teach English in South Korea. I'm really looking forward to the challenges and new experiences to be had there. When we applied, they advertised that the airfare would be provided. And it will be, we just have to come up with it first, then they reimburse us. That's fairly standard for these programs, so I wasn't too surprised, but it irritates me that they're not open about that.

We have to get an FBI criminal background check. That's another twenty bucks. Our new employers need to have a copy of our diplomas. We have to get the copies and the background check results affixed with an Apostille. They only place in UT to get an apostille is in the Lt. Governor's office. It costs fifteen bucks per document.

After all the documents get sent off to Korea and the English Village gets approval for our work visas, we have to contact the Korean consulate to finalize the process. The consulate that covers Utah is in San Francisco. There's a chance we may have to go there to go through an interview to get the visa. There's a chance it can be done over the phone. However that works out, the visa will cost anywhere between forty five and eighty dollars.

It's a little stressful to be trying to get all this done on top of getting ready to get married.

So what do we do? Plan a vacation to Las Vegas for my birthday. On the fifteenth of this month we'll be staying at the Stratosphere hotel. I chose the Stratosphere so I could do some research for a story I want to write. We'll also go to the Peruvian restaurant I know there (provided it's still open) and go to the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. I'm also looking at museums to visit.

It will be fun and a much needed break from life.

Irritation...

2011-02-27T02:49:00.000-08:00

I'm a little irritated.

More than a little, really. It snowed today. I like the snow. It's peaceful, beautiful and everything seems to be quieter when it snows. I put it this way in one of my French classes: "Quand il neige, le monde se couvre de silence."

Utah drivers in snow, on the other, drive me nuts. My little sister, who lives in Denver, put it this way: "When it snows in Denver, people stay home unless they absolutely need to go somewhere. In Utah, people think, 'Oh! It's so pretty, let's go drive in it!'"

Traffic gets heavier than normal when it's snowing. If I can avoid driving at all, I do. Unfortunately, I do need to drive to work.

AND, the person working the shift just before mine didn't see the need to sweep all the staircases. She did two of them. It took me an hour to sweep all the staircases. It usually takes 20 minutes or so when they've been swept at all during the previous shift.

So I'm irritated.

What I Like...

2011-02-22T14:55:00.001-08:00

...about Braun Books are two main things. One, that it's a local bookstore. I like local stores. Two, that it deals in used books as well as recent releases.

For example, today I walked out of the store with six (SIX!) new to me books and I didn't pay a penny out of pocket for them. How did I manage this? I previously traded in lots of books I was never going to read again. This gave me store credit to use towards used books. Now I have six books I'm excited to read and I still have $5.50 in credit left over.

It's a good thing.

Oh yeah. The books I purchased today? The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury. I've never heard of this before, but it looked interesting. I also got the five books in the Riverworld series by Phillip José Farmer. This really looks like a fun series. What grabbed my interest was the idea that Mark Twain is one of the principle characters in the series. I was looking for A Barnstormer in Oz, Farmer's science fiction take on the land of Oz. And I love books about Oz. Didn't find that particular book, but I'm happy with what I did pick up.

A good day.

And I dig my reading hole a little deeper. It's a good hole to be in.

I Just Finished...

2011-02-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

...the Millenium trilogy by Stieg Larsson. This includes The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

I really enjoyed all three books. The protagonist, Lisbeth Salander, is a very interesting character. There are some very, very intense moments.

The original title of the books, collectively, was Men Who Hate Women. That makes a lot of sense. There are a lot of crimes and injustices committed against women in this series. It was rough reading, but what helped is the fact that the author made it clear that these acts were NOT anything to be tolerated. Acts like rape are NOT ok.

It was an interesting line to walk and I think he pulled it off.

My Book Reading Project...

2011-02-14T02:25:00.000-08:00

...is progressing, though a little slower than I anticipated. Of course, it doesn't help that I keep buying new books. As soon as I do I want to read the new ones. And the reading list keeps growing and growing.

I wish I could finish by the time I anticipate going to Korea, but that doesn't seem all that likely to happen.

Oh well. I'm still reading at a rather surprising rate. I figured, since at this point I've read about 140 books, that I would start my series of blog posts about the books I've read. I think I'll do it in chunks of 25. Seems manageable. Especially since a lot of the books I've read are graphic novels in a series. I can include all those in one, I don't want to say review...but I think that's the best word that applies.

Here goes:

PS 238 Volumes 1 through 7, by Aaron Williams. In a nutshell, this is a series about a school for kids with superpowers. It's an idea so good that Disney has stolen it twice (Sky High and Zoom). Aaron Williams has a great take on classic superhero ideas. Great, great series.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volumes 1 and 2 and Black Dossier by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill. The first two volumes are amazing. I don't enjoy Black Dossier all that much. Basic premise: characters from classic literary works (Mina Murray, Captain Nemo, Alan Quartermain, Jekyll/Hyde, and the Invisible Man) work together to protect Great Britain. It's better, much better than it sounds.
Dragon Song, Dragonsinger, Dragon Drums, Dragonflight, Dragonquest, and The White Dragon by Anne McCafferey. These are books in the Pern series. I love these books, especially Dragonsinger and Dragon Song, as they deal more particularly with music. The author portrays the idea of having a powerful talent for music very well. I cry a lot while reading these two books. Can't help it. Fun, fun books.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 Volume 2 by Brian K. Vaughan and Georges Jeanty. The second collection of the Buffy comic series. I love me some Buffy and thus love this series. The art and writing are excellent.
Y: The Last Man volumes 1 through 10 by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra. A masterpiece of comic book literature. This is a series that deals with a world where every mammal with a y chromosome has mysteriously died, with the exception of Yorick and his monkey, Ampersand. An adventure series that deals with gender issues and international relations. A great series well worth reading.

That's actually 27 books, but I didn't want to break up the Y: The Last Man into two different blog posts. Especially since they are all done by the same writer. Most of them are by the same artists, with the occasional fill in by other artists.

Anyway, in a day or two I'll be back with the next 25 (more or less) books.

Have a great day!

Good Things...

2011-02-05T03:52:00.001-08:00

So here's the thing. I have two friends, Denny and Lloyd. I met them at the local university. Great guys. They always make me laugh. And they go almost everywhere together. Seriously. They take all the same classes. They carpool to campus. They remind me of a line from Mallrats, the Kevin Smith movie. One of the peripheral characters introduces himself and his friend in this way: "I'm Jay and this is my hetero life-mate, Silent Bob." It's always Jay and Silent Bob. And it's always Denny and Lloyd.

But that's not the point.

I met Denny and Lloyd at the local IHOP last week. We had a very good time. Talked about comic books and our own writing projects. We brainstormed ideas. Almost a workshop.

And I'm working on making it a regular occurrence. For as long as I'm here in Cedar City. I think it would be very fun to get together at least every other week. Good conversation. Talking about what we're writing. I think it will be a very good thing.

When I listen to music, I tend towards monomania. I listen to the same song over and over and over. Until I get sick of it or find a new song. My current monomania? "You and Me and the Bottle Makes Three/All the Single Ladies" by Straight No Chaser. It's mostly the drinking song, with a bit of Beyoncé's tossed into the middle. The group is an A Capella group. I love the song. Not entirely sure why, but it makes me smile. And that's enough.

More Random Thoughts...

2011-02-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

I forgot how much I enjoyed the first season of Dollhouse. I just watched a recap of the first season preparatory to beginning the second. I just bought the second on DVD. Found it at Target for a great price.

Getting ready to submit a resume to go teach English in South Korea. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, but never knew which programs were legitimate. The one I'm applying for is run through the South Korean government and Southern Utah University. Gives me a lot more confidence. Also, Chelsea is applying. Hopefully we both get hired as teachers. It would be fun.

I've been reading Transmetropolitan. It's a series of graphic novels by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson. Funny, angry, political science fiction. It makes me wonder if Warren Ellis is prophetic in any way. He always seems to be ahead of the curve as far as writing trends go in the comic book business. The world of Transmetropolitan seems to be a fairly accurate representation of the current political and social climate. Rather frightening.

That is all. For now.

Behave yourselves.

Tennis...

2011-01-24T02:52:00.000-08:00

I enjoy watching tennis quite a bit.

The Australian Open is going on right now. With the time difference, ESPN 2 shows the matches live at night. I guess being able to watch these matches live counts as a good thing about maintaining a graveyard schedule.

I (mentally) cheer for the US players, of course. The Williams sisters are so overpowering that their matches are almost embarrassing to watch. I feel bad for their opponents on most occasions. I am rather fond of Andy Roddick, and was disappointed to see him lose. I think my favorite to watch is John Isner. They guy is basketball-player tall. He also has a great attitude in the interviews I've seen. And, of course, he made history recently at Wimbledon. Longest. Match. Ever.

I started watching tennis when I lived with Louise. She was about sixty years old and ran the local fantasy gaming store in St. George. I rented a couple rooms from her. She is a huge tennis fan. I enjoyed watching TV with her most evenings, so I started watching tennis. And learned to love it.

Now I'm starting to understand what's happening, it's even more fun to watch. Even though my countrymen are out, there are several players that are a joy to watch. Pure artistry on the court. Federer. Nadal. Clijsters. And a new "favorite," Li Na from China.

Plus, watching tennis gives my mind a chance to wander and brainstorm story ideas. Quite a lot of fun.

Blankets...

2011-01-21T00:49:00.001-08:00

If you read one graphic novel in your life, it should be Blankets by Craig Thompson.

It makes my heart ache.

I love books that make me feel. At its most simple, Blankets is a story about the author's first love. There's so much more to it than that. It's a recording of the process of trying to find his place in the world.

He draws the book in black and white. While I love color and generally prefer color in my graphic novels, for Blankets the stark hues enhance the story. His renderings are so lovely. His images are detailed and intricate without being cluttered. That's a very hard balance to maintain, yet Mr. Thompson manages wonderfully.

I just barely finished the book again for the fourth or fifth time. My mind is still reeling for the intense emotional input. It definitely goes on the list of my favorite books of all time.

Oh yeah, definitely.

Random-ish thoughts...

2011-01-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

So, I'm getting married in May. The 13th to be exact. It's a fun date to have in mind. People ask if I'm sure, since it's Friday the 13th. I tell them that's why we chose the date. As much as I'm looking forward to being married, I find myself thinking more about the logistics. Where we're going to live. I need a job that's more compatible with marriage. The graveyard shift really isn't. Plus, she's got about a year left before getting her teaching certificate, so that means more time in Cedar City and putting off my grad school applications. Lots of thoughts.

I want to run away to Vegas for a couple days. Don't know that it's going to happen any time soon, but I want to go. Visit the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Go to the Peruvian restaurant I know there. Visit the Stratosphere hotel to research for a short story I have in mind (could be interesting as I don't like heights at all).

Some guys my age talk about their dream cars or jobs or whatnot. I have a dream library that I've designed myself. I like it. Nice big skylight. Shelves and books everywhere. A round couch sunk into the floor in the center of the room, with lamps coming over the shoulder. In the corners will be glass shelves for knick-knacks, with hidden lighting behind the glass shelves. I want it to be warm, welcoming and comfortable.

My tonsil hurts. Yep, just one. Gargling with salt water is helping.

Overall, life is pretty good at the moment. No major complaints.

I've Got a Theory...

2011-01-06T04:10:00.000-08:00

...I think I'm insane. Just a little.

See, I have lots of books. Compared to other people my age, I would say I have a lot more than most. I really don't know how much more, as my friends are also readers and tend to have lots of books as well. I don't know what the "average person's" library looks like. What I do know is that it is a huge pain in my back to move. And I move rather frequently, unfortunately.

Anyway, I came up with this idea of questionable value. See, I decided to try and read every book in my collection in the next couple months. Is it possible? Who knows? The only books I'm excluding are my books in French and Spanish. I just can't read fast enough in those languages to make it possible to read those particular books.

I started this project, retroactively, at the beginning of December. And since I'm making the rules for this personal read-a-thon, I don't feel bad about this at all. Once I'm done, I will make a post with books titles and authors. Possibly a series of posts; I have a lot of books.

One of the purposes of this project is to winnow my collection a little. By re-reading everything I have, I can winnow out those books I will never read again. I can then trade those books in at the local used bookstore for books I do want to read. Seems to be a winning situation to me.

Oh yes, I am insane.

Just a Random Thought...

2011-01-04T16:45:00.000-08:00

I like to observe how people interact. I guess I could have been a sociologist, but that's not the point. Over the last couple years I have observed an interesting trend.

Women have to have it their way when it comes to the toilet seat. Personally, I don't care. If it avoids conflict, I'll put the seat down. Not a big deal. Not according to some females I've known. To them, if the toilet seat is left up, it's a mortal sin, one carrying something akin to the death penalty. Really, does it make all that much of a difference? Is it that much harder for them to put the seat down when they need to use it?

I definitely understand when there's a small kid in the house or a pet that likes to drink from the toilet. Yeah, put the seat down then. But lacking those situations, why not just leave it as it is for the next user? If you use it down, leave it down. If you use it up, leave it up.

Not a big deal.

At least for me.

Atmospheric Anomalies...

2010-12-24T01:06:00.000-08:00

...are interesting to drive in.

On Monday I drove to Springville, UT with Chelsea to visit family. We stayed with my sister and visited two of Chelsea's. It was a fun visit and I didn't want to come back so soon.

The drive up to Springville was a little stressful, due to snowfall. I consider myself a skilled and cautious driver, so it only took about an hour longer than normal. Saw the aftermath of several accidents, but didn't even come close to having one of our own. Yay for me.

On the way back, we didn't have snow, but fog. I'd never driven in fog before. As a driver, I would prefer to be the only one on the road, mostly because I don't trust the other drivers to know what they're doing. Driving in fog gave the impression I was the only one around. Of course, I like to be able to see a ways ahead, to know what's coming. Fog isn't so good for that.

As I drove, I stared intently into the dense blanket of gray ahead of me, trying to see farther ahead than the 20 feet or so that I could actually see. Occasionally, in the oncoming lanes, I would see a dark shadow that would coalesce into a vehicle for a couple moments, then disappear almost as soon as I could see it in my rear-view mirror.

A couple times, as I was staring into the fog, I would realize that I could see a car ahead of me. The fog had dissipated just enough to let me see about twice as far ahead as I could before. I hadn't realized this was happening, as I was so focused on being alert for any slow moving vehicle that I wouldn't be able to see until I was right behind it.

Chelsea and I arrived safe and sound, no problems.

When I left the house to come to work, Cedar City was blanketed in a dense fog. I've never seen fog in Cedar City before. It made the journey to work seem rather dream-like. In rain or snow I can still see far enough ahead to know that the stoplight 6 blocks away just turned red or green or whatever. With fog, I could barely see two blocks ahead of me. It was almost like the rest of the city didn't exist until I got close enough, then went away after I passed.

All the electric lights I could see were diffused, like looking at the house across the street through a frosted window pane.

Plus, the fog makes everything seem quieter.

Overall, I rather like fog. Does that make me weird?

Early This Morning...

2010-12-14T15:30:00.000-08:00

...3:30 AM, to be precise.

I happened across an article in USAToday that caught my attention. It was a brief look at the yearly sky spectacle known as the Geminids meteor shower. Apparently, the Perseids in August get all the attention, because, really, who doesn't like stargazing on a clear summer night? The Geminids have been a yearly occurrence for hundreds of years, according to an article I read. And the big difference that separates the Geminids from other the Perseids and the Leonids? The Geminids are debris falling from a passing asteroid.

Yep, a huge chunk of rock hurtling through space has been dropping debris on Earth for hundreds of years. Where is it picking up this debris? Or was it so big in the beginning that it still has the size to spare? I don't know.

What I do know is that the shower was spectacular. I told Chelsea that I was planning on driving south of Cedar City to watch the shower. She opted to go along. We drove out onto the road heading to Kanarraville, pulled off on a side road, parked along the side, then sat on the reclined shoulder to watch. It was a comfortable seat, except for the chill.

There were a lot of falling stars to watch. At least one a minute, judging by all the "oohs" and "ahhs" that we muttered.

I saw one that looked like a huge blue explosion in the sky. Another was a bright streak that lasted several seconds as it fell to the horizon. Even the streak of Milky Way was visible.

It was a good experience. I can't wait for next year.

Don't Have Much to Say...

2010-12-12T01:02:00.001-08:00

...I'm kind of tired.

Not just sleepy. Tired. I had an enjoyable semester, but it was also exhausting. The classes I took were very stimulating and I learned a lot.

I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to plan for. Details to come later. Maybe.

Heh.

I've been addicted to a song the last two days. Can't stop listening to it. It's called "Dis que tu me retiendras" by Garou. I like his voice because he's not a tenor, which means I can actually sing along. This song hangs out at the upper limit of my chest-voice range. I've actually gotten emotional a couple times while listening to the song. Haven't cried. Yet. That may still happen.

I've got a trip planned for the week of Christmas. I'm going to visit my older sister, the one that lives in Springville. I love visiting her and her family. Always have a good time. Wish I could stay for Christmas, but I have to work. Oh, the joys of working at a hotel. Overall, it's a great job, just inconvenient at times. Oh well.

Went and saw Tangled tonight. Not a bad movie. Not my favorite this year, either. But it wasn't bad. Had a lot of funny moments.

Anyway, that's all for now. Wow, this post is all over the place.

Leslie Nielsen...

2010-11-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

...died yesterday.

Not extremely surprising, as he was 84, but it was still a sad notice. On the entertainment websites, he is fondly remembered for the Naked Gun movies and his starring role in the Police Squad TV series. Heck, he's even canonized for Forbidden Planet, filmed long before he started doing comedy.

My favorite Leslie Nielsen role? As a general on MASH, in the episode titled "Ringbanger." His character keeps leading troops into hopeless situations and causing many injuries and deaths. So Hawkeye and Trapper manage to convince him that he is insane. Very funny episode.

I know he had a long career with many roles, but that's my favorite. Make of it what you will.

Heh.

Kanab...

2010-11-25T10:20:00.001-08:00

...is still there.

I went to my parents' house yesterday with Chelsea. I figured since I'm meeting her entire family today, I should start introducing her to mine. It's only fair, right?

It went fairly okay and I survived. That's about all I'll say about the visit itself. I'm still processing, and the rest may stay internal. That's just how I roll sometimes.

While in Kanab, my parents were willing to give me some books. I know, I really needed more, right? I already have a rough time every time I move just with what I have. However, my dad was born in 1933, and he's been acquiring books for quite some time.

Several of the books hadn't been moved in a very, very long time. The dust was thick as any I've seen in a long time.

So what books did I bring home? Here they are, in no particular order:

Amy Vanderbilt's Etiquette: The Guide to Gracious Living. I know. Hilarious, right?
The Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe
Poems of Byron, Keats and Shelley, Selected and Edited by Elliott Coleman
Favorite Poems of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The Lost World of Quintana Roo by Michel Peissel
The Deaths of the Bravos by John Myers Myers
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Heidi by Johanna Spyri
Robin Hood penned and pictures by Louis Rhead
Hans Brinker by Mary Mapes Dodge
Grimm's Fairy Tales
Lamb's Tales from Shakespeare
King Arthur and His Knights compiled by Sir James Knowles
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
Hans Anderson's Fairy Tales
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
A book containing The Sound and the Fury and As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

Now I have much to read. They've been added to my stack of books waiting to be read.

Joy!

It's interesting...

2010-11-20T01:43:00.000-08:00

...at least to me.

I've been dating Chelsea for a couple weeks. Our relationship is progressing at what would normally be an alarming rate. However, things feel so natural with her that I can't help wanting to push it even faster. I've managed to resist that urge thus far. How long can I hold out? I don't know.

I try very hard not to be a typical Utah native. See, it's a stereotypical part of Mormon culture for a couple to date a couple weeks, then get engaged. I've always looked at that with a fair amount of pessimism. Dating someone for a couple weeks doesn't give a person insight into the potential partner's personality.

Now, however, I find myself wanting to take the leap. No worries, I'm not going to make any major life decisions any time within the next week or two.

It all feels right at the moment. It feels fantastic, to tell you the truth. I'm a hopeless romantic, but luckily I have this practical side that keeps me from making too many mistakes. It sure is fun to imagine being that impulsive though. I only have a couple weeks left in the semester and I just want to say "stuff it" and just abandon my classes to the wolves just to focus on her. It's all I can do to keep going and work on my assignments. I want to spend all my time with her.

It's a new and exciting feeling.

Top Five...

2010-11-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

...country songs. At the moment. My tastes can be slightly fickle and subject to change. I could probably write a new list next week and have a couple different songs. Anyway, here you go:

Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks. This was the song they wrote in response to the nasty reaction after lead singer Natalie Maines told a crowd that the chicks were ashamed President Bush came from Texas. The group received death threats and were told to "shut up and sing." So much for free speech, I guess. Anyway, this song basically says that they are ready to forgive but they can't forget. They're going to keep being who they are. It's a nice anthem. Really inspiring.
Already Home by Ha-Ash featuring Brandi Carlile. Great song about regret. This trio of voices sings about how, after breaking up and going out on their own, they each realize that when they were with their ex they were already home, that they didn't really need to move on. They had everything they wanted. It's a very poignant song.
Highwayman by The Highwaymen. Talk about a country super-group. Willie Nelson. Johnny Cash. Waylong Jennings. Kris Kristofferson. Each member sings a verse about a different character that has died but still lingers in spirit form. Considering each story is about 30 seconds long, I'm surprised at how much I connect to each character. It's a great song.
Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. I love duets. In any genre. So a country group that writes most of their songs as duets? Yeah, I'm there. This song is all about the loneliness felt when separated from the person who has a claim on your heart. "It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now." Great sense of longing. I love singing along with this one.
Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland. So amazingly catchy. I can't get the thing out of my head. It's a rather unique song, as the country is infused with reggae. Not your usual combination, but it really works here. Plus, the music video is hilarious. Jennifer Nettles, the female lead singer, is incredibly tall, about 6'6" in heels. She also has the best crazy/angry eyes I've ever seen. When she gives the guy in the video a nasty look, I quake in my socks. Fun, bouncy, and a little crazy. What's not to like?

And there you go. A pretty good selection if I say so myself. I'll probably do another list fairly soon featuring another genre. Maybe even a specific artist. I'm thinking songs from musicals, Bon Jovi songs, Billy Joel songs, that sort of thing. Should be fun.

I hope.

Don't Get Excited...

2010-11-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

...especially you, Mom.

I went on a date this week. I had a wonderful time. And now I'm scared shitless.

See, here's the deal. I find the girl I went out with very attractive. She has tons of qualities that I look for. She's pretty amazing. Met her in my Creative Non-Fiction class. We had set the date for Wednesday night. On Tuesday, she said a bunch of her friends were going to a movie and did I want to go? Not to the ones her friends wanted, but we went to Despicable Me (great movie by the way). So I'm sitting there in the theater, in the dark, and I want to hold her hand.

Me.

The guy who moves at a near glacial pace when going out with someone. I like to think things through, be sure of what I'm feeling, what I want. So holding hands is a pretty significant first step. I didn't, but the fact I wanted to was very telling for me.

We had a fun first date: Dinner with good conversation. A reading by our professor at the local book store. Mini-blizzards at Dairy Queen afterward with more good conversation. I took her home and she invited me in. I met her roommates. They were nice. One went to high school with my niece. My date put her hand on my knee. I was surprised but comfortable with it. We conversed for a while. I almost pushed her off the chair, but restrained myself. Then I got ready to leave. I thought about going for a kiss.

Me!

Gah! What is going on? I think about her and my heart starts stuttering, making me nervous and jittery. I get around her and I want to be impulsive.

A week ago, I was thinking about requesting that my church remove my name from their records. Not because I was upset or anything, I just don't enjoy it and don't want to deal with it anymore. I think I'll give it another try. Not because she would want me to, because I think she'd rather I do things I want to do. However, I want to do it, because she deserves someone who's willing to meet her at least halfway. Who knows? Maybe me and the church won't work out, but I think she'll be okay with what I decide. We haven't discussed it yet, but I've been thinking about it. She's a returned missionary. So am I. I just returned a little more.

I think I'm crushing. Hard. And it's fun, exciting, nervewracking, distracting, exhilirating, terrifying and just plain great.

Elections...

2010-11-02T08:58:00.001-07:00

I voted today. It's the first time in a long time I've cared enough to do the research and actually vote. I put it off a little too long, so I don't know that I was as informed as I should have been, but I made an effort. Next time I'll do better.

More on this later.

Baseball...

2010-10-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

...hunh. I don't think I have ever posted about baseball. I probably won't ever again.

The Texas Rangers will face the San Francisco Giants in the World Series. I'll be honest. I don't care about baseball. Not even a little. However, the Rangers beat the New York Yankees to get to the World Series. Why is that significant?

The Texas Rangers used to be the Washington Senators.

Why is that significant?

Go watch "Damn Yankees." It's a great musical. I haven't seen it in a long time. A part of the plot is the idea that the Washington Senators can never quite manage to beat those damn Yankees.

Now they finally have. They just had to move to Texas to do so. And it took 50 years.

Good for them. Now I have to find a copy of Damn Yankees to buy.

Kolob Canyon...

2010-10-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went with my poetry classmates to middle fork of Taylor Creek in Kolob Canyon, another branch of Zion National Park.

We went specifically to be inspired by the rather astounding beauty of the canyon. In that sense, the hike was a complete success. I felt very inspired. I feel that, were I a painter, I would suck at landscape painting. Every time I attempted to describe what I was seeing, my mind shut down. I could only focus on the smaller details.

Then I got distracted by a squirrel. His burrow was about 20 feet away from where I was sitting. He sat still for a couple photos, then worked his way around to the streambed, ending up about 5 feet away from me.

Here is his picture, from when he was closer to his burrow:

And he inspired a poem.

My Squirrel Friend

I hear movement in some scrub oak
up the bank from where I sit.
I watch the spot with my eyes,
trying not to move my head.
It seems I have discovered
a squirrel's burrow.

My squirrel friend has
super powers,
for he can resist the siren call
of the cellophane wrapper,

completely unlike his
sin verguenza cousins who live
in the Grand Canyon
and will raid your pack
though you're standing two feet away.

Greedy Bastards.

And that's it. I quite like the poem, and I really enjoyed the experience.

Interesting Week...

2010-10-02T02:23:00.000-07:00

...one could say a very successful week, but only in certain ways.

I'm working on a fiction piece right now that's going very well. I hope to have it done by Tuesday. Or at least "done enough" to turn in to my fiction professor. Like many writers I know, my pieces rarely get finished. There's always something else I could find to fix and make better. Eventually, I just get to the point where I say, "Enough's enough. Time to let it fly free and exist on its own and work on something else."

I'm proud of the story idea and where it's going. The characters feel alive to me. I hope they come across that way on the page.

I also had a very good experience in my Poetry class. I submitted a poem for a class workshop and it was very well received. I also got many excellent suggestions on how to tighten up the couple stanzas that just didn't sing as well as the others. Talentless hacks! Get out of my choir! Heh.

Also, for about the last 12 years or so, I have been attempting to find a friend I had in the first and second grades. His family moved and we wrote to each other for a while, but that eventually fell by the wayside. Of course, we were only, what, 9 at the time? Go figure.

Anyway, every couple months or so, I would spend two hours trying to find him on the internet. It was a little difficult without any knowledge of where he had lived for certain. But I tried. And tried.

In my fiction class this week, my professor was talking about the core group of readers he used to get feedback on his stories. He mentioned each by name. With the last, he mentioned the guy was from Kanab, where I grew up. The name was the same as my friend's older brother. And I can't recall any other families with their surname in Kanab. It was an electrifying moment.

I asked my professor for his friend's contact info, and explained why I wanted it. I sent an email to his friend and got my friend's email address.

Then I took a couple days to think of how best to approach the email I was going to send. I didn't want to come off as some obsessed stalker.

I wrote a brief email, explaining how I had come by the address and gave a brief summary of the highlights of my life since he moved.

Yesterday I received a response. It was a lot of fun to read, and I hope it will be the beginning of a reconnection.

Now I kind of want to try and track down who I now realize was my first crush.

What ifs...

2010-09-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

When it comes to stories, I like "What ifs." You know, like "What if Captain America and Phoenix had a kid together?"

When it comes to my own life, I'm not so fond of them. I like to have things set out in a line, and with too many options, my mind starts to lose track. I usually think in terms of "If this happens, then I'll do that." But I rarely go more than one or two steps down an optional road.

In my life right now, I have three possible outcomes in the next couple of months. I'm getting ready to apply to graduate schools. I only have enough money to apply to three, maybe four, so I'm making a lot of effort to choose the schools I think fit me best and that have the best chance of accepting me. I also anticipate a fairly nice tax return coming up. The three possible outcomes coming up are as follows:

If I get accepted to a grad school, I use the tax return to move to wherever I have to go.
If I don't get accepted, and I get a decent job, I'll stay in Cedar City for a little longer and go to Peru next summer.
If I don't get accepted, and I don't get a decent job, then I'll move to wherever I find a decent job, possibly New Mexico.

I like having options, and I think these are good ones. I really want to go to grad school. That's the big plan. However, there's always the chance that I won't get accepted. Hence the other options.

I think it's a decent plan. I hope so, anyway.

Can You Read My Mind?

2010-09-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think that my computer can read my mind.

No, seriously. Maybe it's a coincidence, but different things have occurred often enough that it has gone past simple coincidence.

For example, many times while playing music on iTunes, I have heard a sequence of songs, about 5 or 6 songs long, that is exactly the sequence I need to be cheered up or work my way through a personal problem. It's uncanny. Other times, my computer will play only songs that I am not in the mood to hear.

I'm a big fan of the Mozilla Firefox Add-On called StumbleUpon. Basically, you tell the program what sort of internet sites you are interested in, then click the stumble button and a random site will pop up based on your interests. You can tell the program whether you like or dislike the current site, and this will help it refine its choices for you. It's kind of fun to click stumble when I'm just looking for something new and interesting.

Stumbleupon helped my find a website last week that I think will be very helpful. The site talked about a study Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist, made about what she calls Highly Sensitive People (HSP). Reading her description clicked with me. I've thought I was weird for being so sensitive to other people's emotions. Turns out that 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive. I just thought it was nice to know that there are other people in the same boat I am. As with any study, I take the findings with a grain of salt, but I also take what I think will help me cope and try to incorporate it into my life.

I have an acronym!

Short Story Proposals (Part One)...

2010-09-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

To help us get in the habit of generating story ideas, my fiction professor has us submit a short proposal every week. He'll give us a prompt to get us going in the general direction, but after that it's all us. The only special request is that our idea "not suck."

This is my first proposal. We were supposed to generate an idea for a romance story. I don't read romance stories, so this was a tough one.

Myles Wright is 25, living in Draper, UT. He is currently in his senior year at the University of Utah, studying in the Spanish program, and has started sending in applications for Masters programs at schools outside the state. His goal is to teach Spanish at the university level. He is a returned missionary from the Guayaquil, Ecuador mission, where he learned Spanish and developed a love for the Hispanic culture. He gets a LOT of flack from his family because he's 25 and *gasp* not married yet. He dates, but rarely gets past the second date. He just doesn't click with the girls he dates. On top of that, he refuses to date girls just out of high school, wanting someone within two years of his own age. That can be a little difficult, what with the prevailing culture of marrying young. He has been giving some serious thought to giving up on dating until he gets into a grad school, but then he meets Jessica.

Jessica seems to be ideal for Myles. She's easy to talk to, 23 and loves the original Star Trek series. He met her at Barnes & Noble. He was shopping for a new fantasy novel, while she was looking for the new David Sedaris book. They spent some time chatting books and he surprised himself by asking her out. She accepted.

They date for several months. One evening, after a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon, Myles starts trying to steer the conversation around to marriage when Jessica tells him, “I'm so excited! I just sent in my mission papers!”

Myles is completely thrown by this announcement, though he recovers enough to congratulate her. They spend the rest of the evening discussing where she might like to serve and when she will enter the MTC. Myles wracks his brain, but can't figure out how to discuss marriage with her. After a couple weeks, he finally gets up the courage (again) to ask her about marriage. He sends her a text, saying he really needs to talk to her. He gets one back saying that she needs to talk, too. He cooks dinner for her that evening. She arrives, super excited, and bursts out, “I got my call!” He blurts out that he wants to marry her. That calms her down.

They discuss the possibility of marriage, and she tells him that she wants to pray about it before making a decision. She decides to accept her mission call.

Jessica goes on her mission to France, and Myles gets accepted into UTEP. Before leaving, Jessica told Myles she didn't expect him to wait for her, though she would appreciate it. They write to each other every week. He focuses on being supportive of her mission work, though he does mention his progress in school. She also stays focused on the work.

About four months into her mission, Myles is starting his second semester. In one of his classes, he meets Billie. She is a returned missionary from the Quito, Ecuador mission. Myles and Billie get along famously. They start dating. Billie knows that he is still writing to Jessica, but he hasn't mentioned anything about dating in his letters to Jessica. His relationship with Billie progresses to the point that he writes a “Dear Jane” letter and seals and addresses the envelope.

Then, Myles finds out from Billie that she would like lots of kids because sex is “only for procreation.” He discusses this with Billie, hoping to convert her to the idea that sex can be for enjoyment as well. She doesn't buy it and they break up.

Jessica returns home and she and Myles pick up where they left off until she finds the “Dear Jane” letter in the back of a book where he left it and forgot it. Huge fight follows. Jessica breaks up with Myles. The story ends with Myles attending Jessica's wedding reception, because they are “still friends.”

Latest essay...

2010-09-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not going to post it here. I may eventually put up a portion of it, or I may post pieces serially, but, as of this moment, the essay is thirteen double-space pages long. That would be a huge blog post to slog through.

Besides, it isn't finished yet. I still have to go through and revise the thing. I managed to get most of it written in one marathon session, but that means that it is very rough.

I decided to interweave little sections about songs that make me emotional. Who know my blog would inspire my academic career? Unfortunately, I think some of the songs I chose weren't the best songs I could have chosen. That will be part of the revision process.

Now I have to do research on Ferris Wheels for an assignment for my fiction class. Oh, and I also have to write seven haikus for my poetry class.

I think I'm in for a busy week.

Cliffhangers...

2010-09-05T03:46:00.001-07:00

...at the end of a TV season really, really make me annoyed.

I actually like cliffhangers, as a general rule. Even in TV. Between episodes that is. I kind of like waiting anxiously for the next episode to come out so that I can see what happened. But only if the wait is a week or two.

Case in Point: Veronica Mars. Lots of single episodes end in cliffhangers. That's fun. The two seasons I've watched so far have ended each season on cliffhangers as well. That's not so much fun. Yes, in this case, I can watch the next episode when I get off work, but that's only because the series ended a couple years ago.

Other guilty parties? Smallville. And I seem to remember Lost having some killer season-ending cliffhangers. Heroes was notorious for this. And then they got canceled after the last cliffhanger episode. Oh, and in the book front, the most recent book in the Harry Dresden series made me scream. Out loud. Because it ended in a horrible, horrible cliffhanger. I won't be able to see what happened to Harry until April. Gah!

Sometimes it seems as though the show's writers are afraid that no one will watch the next season unless they have this huge cliffhanger. Come on people, trust your fan base.

Okay. Rant over. Back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

New Blog I Enjoy...

2010-08-31T18:22:00.000-07:00

Sleep Talkin' Man is probably the funniest thing I have read in quite a while. It has seriously helped me get over my bout with whatever I had last night. Blech.

Anyway, the blog is kept by this lady who records what her husband says in his sleep. She posts the audio and transcribes the audio as well. The person talking is apparently rather distinct from her husband. Different opinions and vocabulary.

Very funny and worth checking out at least once.

Why I Write...

2010-08-26T06:58:00.001-07:00

This is an essay I wrote for my Creative Non-Fiction class.

I write because I feel I have something to say. As a white, middle-class, American male, I feel I get lumped in with the white, middle-class, American male stereotype. Yes, there are worse stereotypes, but I don't like getting categorized like that. One of my best friends, Pepe Robles, a native of Huacho, Peru, accused me, in the best way, of having an “envase gringo, contenido peruano.” Roughly translated, this means a gringo container, Peruvian contents. That's a label I wear with pride. I write to show that all is not as it appears on the outside.

I write because paper is a shield that allows me to strip away the armor that I use to protect and hide my true self. I can bare my soul and let myself be vulnerable because when it's on paper, I can distance myself from it.

I write because writing allows me to be paradoxical.

I write because I don't like confrontation. Every day I see people commit acts of sheer stupidity. Rather than be outspoken about said stupidities, I take the passive-aggressive route and write about it.

I write because there is no “backspace,” no eraser for the things that come out of my mouth.

I write because it's therapeutic.

I write to find my truth.

I write to figure myself out. I'm 33 now. For the first 25 years or so of my life I tried to be the person I thought my parents, siblings and friends wanted me to be. I finally figured out that living that way was too stressful and that I wanted to be who I wanted to be. Writing helps me feel my way down the pitch-black hallway of self-discovery. Writing shines a flashlight on the cancerous traits I want to surgically remove and on the atrophied attributes I want to exercise and develop.

I write because I enjoy putting an actual pen to actual paper.

I write because I enjoy writing.

I write because if I don't write down these thoughts running through my head I will forget them. And, to be honest, and maybe just a tad egotistical, some of these thoughts are just too cool to be forgotten.

I write because somebody has to, and nobody else is going to tell my stories.

My Classes...

2010-08-25T12:12:00.001-07:00

I'm really excited for this semester. I think I'm going to make a lot of progress as a writer. At least I hope so.

I've got four writing classes. I'm a little worried that I'm going to run out of ideas, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I mentioned my creative non-fiction class. This is a relatively new genre. It includes biography, memoir and personal essays. An argument could be made to include journalism under the creative non-fiction umbrella, but I think it's generally held to be it's own beast. I really, really enjoy writing non-fiction. It's a pleasure and appeals to my search for personal truths.

I also have a class in playwriting. This one will be a good class for me, though it's the only class I foresee having personality conflicts with some of my classmates. And then, it's only one or two. No big deal.

I also have classes in poetry and fiction. I'm a little nervous for fiction, if only because I don't generally write fiction. I enjoy it, but haven't been able to wrap my mind around creating it.

So my schedule this semester is this: Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I have creative non-fiction for an hour. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have playwriting, poetry, and fiction, all in a row, in that order. Each class is 80 minutes. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays I essentially have classes for 4 1/2 hours straight. I'm anticipating headaches on those days. But I'm still looking forward to it.

I've also volunteered to be an assistant editor for the yearly student publication "The Kolob Canyon Review." This should be a good experience and will hopefully look good on my grad school applications.

A little later today I'll post the first piece I wrote for my non-fiction class. A short essay about why I write.

Teaser...

2010-08-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of classes here at the local university. While there has been a lot of stress involved in preparing for today, I am excited to start my classes.

Particularly the only class I have today: Creative Non-fiction.

So excited!

More to come later....

The Songs That Make Me Emotional (Part Four)...

2010-08-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

"There's been a change in me. A kind of moving on, though what I used to be I still depend upon. For now I realize that good can come from bad. That may not make me wise, but, oh, it makes me glad.

And I...I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams, but I don't mind, for now I love the world I see. No change of heart, a change in me.

For in my dark despair I slowly understood my perfect world out there had disappeared for good. But in it's place I feel a newer life begin and it's so good and real it must come from within.

And I... I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams, but I don't mind. I'm where and who I want to be. No change of heart, a change in me."

I first heard the song, "A Change in Me," on the soundtrack to Disney's On the Record, a production using songs from 75 years worth of Disney music. I hadn't heard the song before because it is from the Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast.

I had listened to the song maybe 3 or 4 times, but hadn't actually paid attention to the lyrics. I had just come back from a movie and I was sitting in the parking lot of my Mesa, AZ apartment and I actually listened to the lyrics. I started crying so hard I could barely breathe.

It had finally hit home that I needed to make changes in my life. I had to start deciding what I wanted and go for it.

I spent the majority of my life trying to be the person I thought other people wanted me to be. That's honestly a very stressful way to live. Having lived that way for 25 years, it's almost as stressful to decide who and what I want to be. I'm still working on it. It has involved a lot of surgery. Some parts of me I've been able to go in with a laser and cut out he exact trait I didn't like. Some of which involved therapy that I actually felt did me some good. Other parts that I had to get rid of were so rooted that it was like hacking away with a dull axe. I've also been doing some rebuilding and fortifying.

One of the big realizations I made with the help of therapy was that it is okay to dream. I had been so focused on being practical and trying to obtain what was within my reach that I lost the ability to dream. Getting that back has been a lifesaver. I don't get as depressed as before and the depressed periods I have are much more infrequent.

I'm a very spiritual person. I trust my feelings and innate sense of right and wrong to guide me. In attempting to hack away dead growths stunting the growth of my spirituality and sense of truth, I may have gone too far. At least according to some. I don't trust organized religions, including the church I grew up in. I believe in truth, wherever I may find it. I still believe in God. And good. And I feel good about where I'm at faith and religion-wise.

The best part is, I like myself now. I think I'm a pretty decent guy. It makes me sad to think how much i loathed myself before, how worthless I thought I was. No more. I like me. I'm still looking for more of what and who I want to be, but I've made a decent start. I can only get better from here.

"I'm where and who i want to be. No change of heart, a change in me."

Productivity...

2010-08-04T16:56:00.000-07:00

...I has it.

At least the last couple of days. Yesterday I took pictures of my Xbox 360 and my bicycle so I could sell them on Craigslist. I posted the items for sale.

I also managed to practice my guitar for the first time in several months.

I even did some writing.

Today I took my car in to get the oil changed, went book shopping and sold my bicycle.

I also practice my guitar and did a little writing.

It's been a nice couple of days.

I'm particularly excited about the books I bought with store credit: I got two books in the Malloreon series by David Eddings in hardcover. I like hardcover. I also picked up "The Lonely Polygamist" by Brady Udall. Really looking forward to reading that book.

Good days. Kind of wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow night.

Oh well.

Charlie Brown...

2010-08-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

...I've come to accept that I have a lot in common with Charlie Brown.

I suppose this realization was inevitable. In high school I auditioned for the part of Linus in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." I was cast as Charlie Brown. I had really wanted to be Linus, so I was a little disappointed for a day or two. I ended up really enjoying the part and I had a lot of fun with it.

In one of my Spanish classes at Southern Utah University, I got to know a theater major fairly well. One day I asked him, "If you were directing 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown' and I auditioned, who would you cast me as?" He immediately said, "Charlie Brown."

Everybody else could see the similarities long before I could. I accept the similarities and revel in them now.
I just discovered another similarity.

A week or so ago, I wrote about friendship and my frustration with always being the one to initiate activities. Yesterday I read a Peanuts comic strip from 1953. I scanned it in and am including it here. Click to make it more readable.

Go figure. Yet another connection.

Night Watch

2010-08-02T19:44:00.000-07:00

Just finished what I believe is the last book in the Night Watch series, by Sergei Lukyanenko. He's a Russian psychiatrist who started writing Science Fiction novels in the early 80s.

I discovered the book series by way of the movie Night Watch, or Nochnoy Dozor. It was a visually stunning movie. When I found the movie was based on a book, I couldn't resist.

It's an interesting series. It has been touted as a modern horror epic, but I don't see it that way. This is very definitely a dark, urban fantasy. The bulk of the series takes place in Moscow. I'm guessing it gets labeled as horror due to featuring vampires and werewolves.

Anyway, the series deals with Others, people who gain the ability to use supernatural powers. These powers include vampirism and lycanthropy, but also magicians, enchantresses, witches, and battle shape-shifters. As the series starts, the focus is on the battle between the Light Others and the Dark Others. They fight over who will control the destiny of the ordinary people, who are basically batteries providing the power for the Others to use.

As the series goes on, Lukyanenko starts exploring the idea that Light and Dark don't represent good and evil. Both are needed and are in balance. One side can't win over the other. Some of the Dark Others are quite sympathetic, and some of the Light Others are manipulative and deceitful.

It's an interesting series, and it kind of makes me want to learn Russian so I can read the original without having to depend on a translation.

However, I don't think I'll get to learning Russian.

Books...

2010-07-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

...are my friends.

I've been reading for a very, very long time. In the journal my mother kept, she says that I was reading pre-kindergarten.

I remember being addicted to the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew book series at an early age. I read the ones I owned and the ones in the library over and over.

In fact, most books I love I read over and over. I probably go through my book collection, for the most part, once a year. I get very attached to the characters in these books. They are almost real to me.

Rather than ruining some of the plot twists, my intimate knowledge of what's coming enhances my enjoyment of the reading experience. For example, in the original Dragonlance trilogy by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, one of the principal characters dies early in the third book. Rather than ruining the moment, when I come across the early clues to his death I get emotional. Sometimes my eyes tear up so much I can't read for a couple minutes. And then when he dies, it takes me about 10 minutes to recover.

I'm also a very fast reader. When I read, it's almost like a movie running in front of my eyes. At least in English.

At the beginning of the summer, I set a goal to read several specific books by the end of the summer. It's close enough now that I can say I'm not going to get there. Rather than beat myself up about what I didn't get done, I thought I'd list what books I did read this summer.

On Writing by Stephen King
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the six book series) by Douglas Adams
Dragonsinger by Anne McCaffrey
Dragonsong by Anne McCaffrey
On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony
The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum
The Bourne Supremacy by Robert Ludlum
The Bourne Ultimatum by Robert Ludlum
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Daughter of the Blood by Anne Bishop
Heir to the Shadows by Anne Bishop
Queen of Darkness by Anne Bishop
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
The Summer of Black Widows by Sherman Alexie
Elantris by Brandon Sanderson
The Harry Potter books (all seven) by J.K. Rowling
Lots of comic book graphic novels, including: Ex Machina by Brian K. Vaughan and Tony Harris (2 volumes), Blackest Night and Blackest Night: Green Lantern by Geoff Johns and various artists, and PS 238 by Aaron Williams (7 volumes).

So, by my count, I've read 38+ books this summer. So far. I read constantly, so I'm sure I'll get through at least two or three more by the end of summer.

Friendship...

2010-07-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

I don't have a particularly easy time making new friends. I'm an intensely loyal person, but also intensely private. I hold on to friends I've previously made and it takes me a long time to open up and trust acquaintances to the point that I consider them a friend.

Point of fact, about once a month I spend an hour or so trying to track down my best friend from the 2nd grade. His family moved to California.

I've noticed a recent trend. I realize everybody has their own life. I also realize that working a graveyard shift makes it difficult to figure out when I might be available. However, it's starting to bug me that with all my friends, I'm the one that has to initiate any sort of activity.

In fact, it's starting to make me a little bitter.

Out of my family, the only one that reciprocates initiation of contact is my little sister. We'll send texts back and forth. We'd spend time together, but she lives in Aurora, CO. We get together when we can.

With the few friends I have that are relatively close by, I have to suggest getting together. I have to follow up and make sure schedules sync up. I text and call back and forth with these friends, which is great, but when it comes to actually getting together, it's all on my shoulders.

I try not to be bitter and to accept things as they come, but that gets rather lonely, so I have to start being to one constantly calling and bugging people.

It makes me feel a little like the little kid from next door who constantly knocks and says, "Can he come out and play?"

Oh well.

The Songs That Make Me Emotional (Part Three)

2010-07-14T16:21:00.001-07:00

Once again, I'm veering just a little from the central idea of these posts. This one will be short. And it's about a song that makes me giggle.

Yes, I am a manly man and I openly admit that I giggle. I giggle, I laugh, I guffaw. It's all fair game to me. I like the rush of endorphins that I get when I laugh. Or giggle. Or guffaw. It really helps when I'm in the midst of a depression.

So, anyway, the song I want to discuss is called "I Get Off" by Halestorm.

Halestorm is a fairly recent discovery. They're a rock group with a female lead. In this song, the lead sings that she knows her male neighbor is watching her get undressed through her window. But she doesn't mind. In fact, she makes sure her light is on and the drapes opened so that he can see better.

The chorus starts "I get off on you getting off on me." I think the lead might just be trying to be Lita Ford. That's the impression I get anyway. The song is a rocking song that is just a little naughty.

And it makes me giggle.

The Songs That Make Me Emotional (Part Two)...

2010-07-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

...Can you break a format with the second article in a series? If so, I'm breaking the format just a little. I'm going to talk about two different versions of the same song.

What song? "Over the Rainbow." I know that have been many, many interpretations of this classic song. The two I want to discuss are the original, as performed by Judy Garland in the 1939 musical "The Wizard of Oz." The other is Matthew Morrison's interpretation from the TV show "Glee." So, basically, the oldest and the newest versions of the song.

And yes, I like both versions. A lot.

I'm a big fan of "The Wizard of Oz," both the 1900 book written by L. Frank Baum and the 1939 movie. I like both for different reasons, but I do like them both. The last 5 or 6 times I've watched the movie, when Judy starts singing "Over the Rainbow," I've gotten choked up. There's a purity to her performance. She feels it. You can tell. She sings the song with such wistfulness and yearning that you can't help but feel what she feels. She wants to go to this mythical land where everything's perfect and "where the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

Whenever I get lost in the Oz books or watch the movie, I find myself wishing that I could live in Oz. It's an idyllic land. Up until about 4 years ago, I never dared to let myself dream. I tried to be realistic and set goals that were grounded in reality. It made me miserable. The day I realized it was okay to let myself dream was an amazing day. You can't really live if you don't have any dreams.

Today I keep a lot of my deepest dreams to myself. I don't share them, but I revel in them. I long to fulfill them. And that yearning is a part of the same chord that Judy Garland's "Over the Rainbow" plucks on my heartstrings. I love that feeling.

Matthew Morrison's version differs from Judy's in several ways. Not just because it's a male voice singing. It's cheerful. "Glee"ful, if you will. It's celebrating the fact that this land exists, if we could only find it. Matthew accompanies himself on the ukulele. This adds a distinct flavor to the song. I'm a not a big ukulele fan. The tone is just a bit bright and glaring to me, but I love it in this version of a great song. This version of the song is just a bit faster, too.

I love this version of the song for it's cheerfulness. Simply put, listening to this version of "Over the Rainbow" makes me happy. And I really can't ask for more than that from a song.

The Songs That Make Me Emotional (part one)...

2010-07-11T10:45:00.001-07:00

...Okay, I'll be a little more honest. This will be a series of posts about songs that make me cry. And why.

I want to start with a song that I've been addicted to recently. I can't stop listening to it. And it has been during this recent addiction that this song has started to make me cry.

It's called "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks. The lines that particularly affect me are: "I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down. I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round. It's too late to make it right. I probably wouldn't if I could, 'Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should."

For most of my life I was constantly trying to do what I thought that others (including my parents, teachers and other influential adults) wanted me to do. I was a good student growing up (still am, actually), but I felt a lot of pressure to be amazing because I was known as a good student. I felt pressured by my parents to perform well in school even though my parents never explicitly expressed anything like that. Basically I tried to be perfect, even though I knew I was very, very flawed and though I was very tired of trying to keep up the perfect image.

This attitude of mine was very rough on me, particularly when I was younger and didn't realize why I was the way I was. I didn't realize that I wasn't acting entirely on my own desires. As I've started to make decisions and guide my life based on what I want, I recognize that it's been hard on my parents. Particularly when it comes to participation in church activities. I don't enjoy being at church and I don't want to be there. So I don't go. I know my parents don't like or understand this attitude. My mom sends my new address to the church every time I move, so that the local ward can find me. My dad sent a six page letter telling me that he was very disappointed in me for not going to church. While I understand their motives and believe they have good intentions, I can't make myself go to church because my parents want me to go. If I decide to go to church again, it will be because I want to go.

That's just one example. I could go through several others, but they're along the same idea.

Every time I've listened to "Not Ready To Make Nice" in the last couple of days I've started getting all choked up. It resonates with me, resonates with my soul. I think they're on the same frequency.

More to follow, though probably not today.

Decision Time...

2010-07-09T16:51:00.001-07:00

...though it seems the decision was really made for me, I just had to accept it.

Still having sleep issues. So I decided just to sleep when I can, and if I can't, I'm going to try not to stress about it.

I might get tired. I might be a little out of it for a while. I have to believe that eventually my body will figure it out.

I think it's a least partially because of the heat, so once it starts cooling down again, I'll probably sleep better more consistently.

I hope.

Exploration...

2010-07-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

Advance warning: This post will be an exploration of what I'm going through personally right now and what might possibly be the cause(s) of what I'm going through. Not really interested in giving my spin on what's happening in the world today. Also, I'm not really looking for people to start calling me and checking on me. I'm okay, just having a difficult couple of days.

I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm tired and sleepy, yet I can't sleep. It drives me nuts. As is common with other cases of depression, I'm relatively sure that my difficulties sleeping are related to my depression. I still don't think my depressive episodes are bad enough to warrant being medicated. I am backed in that opinion by the therapists I have seen. Of course, one of those therapists thought I was gay, or at the very least bi-sexual. So, who knows, maybe I do need to be medicated. But I don't think so. It's not constant.

Another contributing factor to my depression is my work schedule. I work the graveyard shift at a motel. For the most part I enjoy my job. There are things that irritate me about it, but hey, each job has its own irritations. Something I've noticed lately. When I'm at work I can't wait for the work week to be over. When I'm enjoying my days off, I can't wait to get back to work. My work schedule also is a direct cause of a large part of my depression.

I'm rather lonely. I tried to watch "Where the Wild Things Are" last night. I didn't even make it through 15 minutes. I was relating to the main character's loneliness and sense of isolation just a little too much. I will eventually watch the whole thing, and probably enjoy it, but not last night.

I have lots of friends. Unfortunately, my friends have busy lives and it's difficult to get together and hang out with them. Also, my work schedule makes it even more difficult to find a time when I could get together with a friend or two. Also, many of my friends don't live in the same city or even the same state as I do. There's a couple that don't live in the same country. So I get lonely. Most of the time I'm perfectly comfortable with spending lots of time on my own. I'm good at it. I enjoy it. I like reading. But sometimes I just want to be able to call somebody up and say, "Hey, want to catch a movie, or dinner, or just chat?"

Sometimes I also feel like I'm the only one making an effort to develop and extend the friendship. If I'm the only one that calls and says, "Let's do something," then after a couple attempts I feel like I'm being a little too persistent, or even possibly annoying. And yes, I recognize that this is my own perception, but if I'm never contacted to do anything, then I feel like I'm the only one making an effort. Does that make sense? I'm very tired and I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. It's possible that I've received invitations before and not been able to go and I'm just not remembering at the moment. Bleh.

Anyway, it all adds up to Adam being depressed and doing my best to maintain my emotions at an acceptable level. I don't really want any calls about this post. I like receiving phone calls and I like talking to my friends and family, but I don't want the sort of calls that start with or include, "I read your last post and I was really worried so I thought I should call." That's not the point of this particular post.

I guess it's pretty much just a venting post. If you've made it this far, thanks for sticking with it. Impressive stamina.

Heh.

Apenas...

2010-07-06T05:21:00.001-07:00

...holding on.

By my fingernails.

That's all for now.

Ashlee's Bicycle

2010-06-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

“Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel”
--Carrie Underwood “Jesus, Take the Wheel”

My niece, Ashlee, is fiercely independent and almost pathologically shy. If I haven't visited in a couple months, it usually takes her an hour or so to warm up to me again. Starting a new school year is rather traumatic for her. Her mother, Diana, warns each new teacher of Ashlee's shyness; pleading for patience and understanding.

Once she warms up to you, Ashlee is as engaging and caring as you could possibly imagine. She loves to play pranks, especially on her mother. Diana has severe arachnophobia, a trait Ashlee does not share and loves to take advantage of. About once a month, she will place toy spiders and other plastic creepy-crawlies in her mother's bed, covered by the comforter. Once she hears the muffled scream of discovery, Ashlee giggles madly for at least the next half hour.

When she is riding with her mother in the family car or the big maroon Suburban (I call it the “'burban”), Ashlee loves to listen to Carrie Underwood, one of Diana's favorite singers.

One sunny summer morning, Ashlee told Diana, “Mom, I want to learn to ride my bike.”

“Okay,” said Diana. “When Dad gets home I'll have him put the training wheels on your bike and you can get started.”

“No,” said Ashlee. “I want to start now, without the training wheels.”

“Are you sure? Training wheels will keep you from crashing and getting hurt.”

“Yes, I'm sure.”

Diana followed Ashlee to the garage to get her bike, then down the driveway.

“Let's start on the sidewalk next to the lawn, so you have somewhere soft to land,” said Diana. “If you feel like you're going to crash, lean towards the lawn, okay?”

“Okay, Mom,” said Ashlee.

Diana held the bike steady, gripping under the seat as Ashlee climbed on. As Ashlee started pedaling, Diana began to jog behind her, maintaining her grip on the seat.

“Let go, Mom,” said Ashlee. “I can do it on my own.”

Diana let go and stopped, watching as Ashlee kept pedaling for another five or six feet.

The bike began to wobble and Ashlee, instinctively knowing she was going to crash, threw both hands in the air and called out, “Jesus! Take the wheel!”

The bicycle promptly fell over and Ashlee got her first scrape as the result of a bike accident.

Determination...

2010-06-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's a part of my periodic depressions or possibly due to my lack of aggressive tendencies, but I have never felt particularly driven to accomplish things that I would like to accomplish. I tend more to let things happen as they may, trying to make the best out of any situation. I don't try to change to situation to my advantage.

Well, that attitude it changing.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I felt the urge to make things work out the way I want them to. I have goals I want to accomplish, things I want to do. It's an odd feeling for me.

Maybe it's the result of having made some good changes in my life. I've managed to adjust some attitudes, tendencies and habits that I have. It's a nice feeling. And for once I'm recognizing the good things that I am doing. It's so easy for me to focus on the negative; to focus on the bad habits I have that feel like a prison.

I'm actually working on a list of goals. I think I can actually accomplish them. I still have a healthy sense of reality; I'm not making goals that are impossible to accomplish. I actually want to type up these goals and put the list where I can see it. As I imagine these goals, I'm visualizing how I'm going to reach them.

Sorry, I'm not going to share the particulars with everybody. It's a list that makes me feel good, but I'm just not read to share it with anybody.

A guy has to have some secrets, you know.

Hmmmm...

2010-06-18T01:39:00.000-07:00

This evening I watched a CNN video on Joran Van der Sloot's prison cell. It's been referred to as a "hellhole." He is in solitary confinement. He was arrested for the murder of a Peruvian girl, to which he confessed, according to the Peru police. He was also under investigation for the murder of a US girl in Aruba a year or so ago.

As the news crew made their way to Van der Sloot's cell, they passed through the prison kitchen. They remarked that each prisoner is fed on $1.50 a day. Now, I lived in Peru for two years as a missionary for my church. We paid someone to cook for us. If I remember right, we paid 230 soles a month each. The exchange rate at the time was 3 soles to 1 dollar. So, we paid about 76.66 a month per missionary, about $2.66 a day for food. On this money we paid, we ate very well, and a good pensionista (that's the title of the woman who cooked for us) would be able to feed her family as well as the missionaries. So a $1.50 a day per prisoner isn't bad. Of course, their food probably isn't as good as ours was, but our pensionistas didn't have to cook for as many people.

The cell was small. A person probably couldn't lay out straight if they were to do so across the width of the cell. However, my first thought as I saw the bed was, "I used a blanket just like that one." He also has running water in a sink in his cell. No shower, go figure. I didn't have running water in each house I lived in. Some did, most didn't. When the news person said that Van der Sloot's toilet was a hole in the floor, I thought, "Well, that's actually pretty common." Really, not everybody has a physical toilet.

Yeah, the facility's standards are, I imagine, well below the US Penal system's standards, but it is a third world country we're talking about here. And Van der Sloot was arrested for murder.

I think he can withstand some base conditions. I did, and I hadn't done anything wrong.

True Story...

2010-06-14T01:52:00.001-07:00

A couple months after I returned from my two-year mission to Peru my grandpa Terry died. He was the father of my father's first wife. I hadn't been related by blood, but Grandpa had always treated me well, so I traveled with my family to Ely, Nevada for his funeral.

My sisters had been asked to sing during the services and they asked me to accompany them on the piano. The morning of the funeral, we arrived early at the church in order to run through the hymn they had chosen to sing: "Because I Have Been Given Much." Three of my sisters were going to be singing. Most of the hymn consists of simple two-part harmony with accompaniment, but there is a section of three-part harmony.

All of my siblings who sing don't necessarily have great voices, but when we sing together we blend really well, due to the similar genetics of our voice boxes.

As we ran through the hymn, I noticed that my sisters weren't singing the third part in the three-part section. On the following run-through I sang the third part in falsetto, just to see how it sounded. After the verse, one of my sisters, Diana, asked me not to sing the third part, as it confused her and threw her off the part she was singing. I agreed and they decided to go through the hymn just one more time, then go up to the chapel to wait for the start of the services.

When we reached the three-part section, true to my word, I didn't sing the third part. However, I thought that one of the other sisters had decided to give it a try, as I heard the third part very clearly vocalized and blending very well with my sisters' voices. Upon finishing the verse, Diana shot me a look and asked, "Was that you singing?"

"No," I said. "Wasn't that one of you?" Chills ran up my spine.

My sisters hadn't sung the third part, and it wasn't me. It certainly wasn't my mother, who was in the room but only sings melody and has a distinctive voice that wouldn't blend with my sisters' voices.

A little weirded out by the experience, we went upstairs to the chapel.

When the time came for our number I listened carefully, but didn't hear the third part again.

After the funeral, on the way to the cemetery, I asked my father if his first wife, Patsy, had been a singer.

"Yes," he said, "she sang alto in the choir at church."

As near as I can figure, Patsy was present for her father's funeral and had participated when her daughters were practicing the hymn.

It's the only explanation that makes any sort of sense to me. I know what I heard. And my sisters know what they heard.

Breaking the Rules...

2010-06-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Not me personally. I tend to like following the rules.

As part of my duties at the hotel, I am responsible for setting up the breakfast room and keeping it stocked until I leave at 8 AM. The process for getting the breakfast room set up properly are as follows: At 6 AM I drive to the grocery store to pick up the doughnut order and purchase bread and milk as necessary. I drop off some doughnuts at the our sister property and get back to the hotel at about 6:20. For a normal occupancy morning, it takes me about 15 minutes to get breakfast ready. On a busy day, it takes about 20 minutes. I'm very efficient. Normally, I'm ready to open the breakfast room between 6:45 and 6:50. Well before the 7:00 open time.

Now, this open time is very clearly posted in two places in the lobby. One of the signs is rather portable, and I place it in the middle of the entryway to the breakfast room, which connects to the lobby. This arrangement makes it possible for me to run the breakfast room and cover the front desk.

Every morning, at least one guest walks in just after 6:30 and asks if they can eat breakfast. Most days, I haven't even started the set up at that time. I tell them that we open at 7. These people invariably come back about 10 or 15 minutes later and start helping themselves to whatever I've managed to set up. Now, if I were more bold, I would ask these people to leave and come back at the proper time. I'm not that bold. However, if what they are looking for hasn't been set out yet, and they ask about it, I tell them that I haven't prepped that item yet and that it will be a few minutes. And that item automatically becomes the last thing that I take to the breakfast room from the kitchen.

Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Also yes.

It just bugs me that so many people think it's okay to ignore the rules, that their particular situation warrants an exception. If you're in such a hurry to check out, check out and go to a fast food joint. The ten minutes it will take me to finish setting up won't affect you that much. I can keep up with a busy breakfast morning, but only if I can get completely set up before it all starts disappearing. It's one person, me, against 100 rooms of people, if we're sold out. Those odds aren't in my favor if I can't get a head start.

Rant over. I'm staying up late to watch the beginning of the USA/England match of the World Cup. I like soccer.

The Johnsons...

2010-06-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

I had some memories triggered in an odd place yesterday. My mother and I went to IHOP for dinner. We both love breakfast for dinner, so we enjoy IHOP quite a bit. I ordered their strawberry lemonade, which is served with a couple mint leaves on the rim of the glass. After sniffing the leaves and even tasting them, I had to spend a few minutes thinking about when I was about 5 or 6 and would eat the leaves that our next door neighbors, the Johnsons, had growing near the maroon fence in their front yard.

Irene and Sterling were a big part of my growing up experience. I was always over at their house. Their son Jimmy was, I believe, a senior in high school when I was about 5. Yet he always made time to "hang out" with me. He would buy a whole bunch of fireworks and give me some for the 4th of July. He would play Atari video games with me. He was always super nice to me and glad to see me. Not many high school seniors would give that kind of time to a 5-year-old neighbor kid, but Jimmy did. Some of the images I can see are the long walk down the hallway to Jimmy's room at the end of the house and playing Asteroid and surprising Jimmy by accidentally figuring out how to teleport in the game.

Irene and Sterling also had a couple granddaughters that would visit from Page, AZ that were the same age as my little sister and me (Hi Jessica!). We would spend a huge part of each day playing in the Johnson's back yard. I remember getting in trouble for swinging from the branches of the weeping willow. I remember trying, for the first time, a peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich. Good memories.

One thing that always confused me until I was about 10 was Sterling and Irene's relationship. See, I genuinely believed that Irene was a man. She had a deep voice. I never said anything to them, luckily, because that would have been horribly embarrassing. I have many memories like that one that embarrass me, but would have been that much more embarrassing had I not been such an introspective kid. I was precocious, always wandering away from home, only to have a church member call my mom and say that I was found wandering 5 or 6 blocks away, alongside the highway, but if I didn't understand something, I would think about it or look it up in a dictionary. I rarely verbalized these embarrassing thoughts.

The Johnsons were extremely kind, and I was never scared of them like I was of Mr. Robinson (correction, it was Mr. Perkins, the Robinsons were across the street), who lived on the other side of the house. He was scary.

I Don't Think I Can Explain It...

2010-06-06T00:33:00.000-07:00

...but I guess I should try.

My dad's been in a care center for the last 5 or 6 months. Before that, he was in the Mental Ward of the VA hospital in Salt Lake City. I haven't visited with him since I went to Kanab August 2009.

While I was in Kanab, Dad was having serious issues. When the sun went down he would get extremely agitated and wouldn't sleep. Mom needed someone there to stay up with him and keep an eye on him. The week after I left, Dad kept trying to get out of the house at night so he could walk the block between our house and the highway to throw himself in front of a truck.

Supposedly, he's doing much better now, but I just can't bring myself to go visit. For a whole bunch of reasons.

Yes, this makes me selfish and slightly unreasonable. However, I don't think it would be good for me. I have enough issues with depression and anxiety that I don't want to add to it. And I have serious issues with care centers. Yes, Dad is at a nicer one, but it's still a care center. Also, even when Dad was not afflicted with mental problems, we never really had all that much to say to each other. Mostly because all he wanted to talk about was me going to church. Not my thing.

Do I have some daddy abandonment issues? Maybe. However, I just don't want to put myself through the ordeal of forcing myself to go into a care center. Especially to talk to someone focused on trying to convince me to go to church.

Am I selfish and possibly a little childish? Yes. But realizing that doesn't make me want to put things aside and go to the care center.

Told you I couldn't really explain it.

New Purchases!

2010-06-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

I couldn't really afford to buy four books yesterday, but I did it anyway.

I went to Barnes and Noble in St. George with my little sister. I found four books that I'm really excited to read, when I get the chance. Two by Sherman Alexie: Black Widow Summer and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. I also decided to give Cormac McCarthy's The Road a try. It was a search to find one that didn't have the movie cover, but I found it. I also picked up the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes.

Now I can't wait to find an opening in my reading schedule to fit these in.

AND....if I read a chapter a day, I will finish Don Quijote by the end of July. Very do-able.

A Slight Alteration...

2010-05-31T01:17:00.001-07:00

...To my reading list for the summer.

In light of my rather slow progress in reading Don Quijote, I've decided to make a substitution for Les Miserables. In its place I will be reading 2666 by Roberto Bolaño, in Spanish. I think this will still be a challenge, yet easier than Les Miserables. Don Quijote is apparently going to take all summer to read. No joke. It's just very slow going, written in the old Spanish. Very difficult to read. I'm actually enjoying it, but I can't take much more than a chapter at a time. Sometimes I take several days off.

However, I am bound and determined to get this classic work of literature read. I just need to.

We'll see how it goes.

And Here It Is...

2010-05-27T04:06:00.000-07:00

...My thoughts on music.

Music has been a part of my life since before I can remember. Literally. In the Journal my mother kept for me it says that I would sing songs my sisters taught me and people would give me quarters. I don't remember that personally, but I'm sure it's true.

I'm not nearly as keen on performing as I used to be. Music is much more personal now. I like singing in choirs. I don't mind singing solos. But I'm not a huge fan of being the center of attention, so I don't go out of my way to sing by myself in front of tons of people.

See, music is a fundamental part of myself. I discover who I am through music I listen to. I honestly don't know how many different songs I've listened to that have caused me to start sobbing as I finally unlock a part of myself that I just didn't understand or like.

I worship through music. The majority of my spiritual experiences have come through music. I wear my emotions on my sleeve anyway, and music just makes the emotions flow that much easier. A friend of mine once told me that he didn't believe me when I said I wasn't religious. He could feel my spirituality whenever I sang. And I sing a lot. I usually get self-conscious when I realize someone is paying attention and stop, but that's not the point.

A friend of mine thinks I'm insane because I would much rather lose my eyesight than my hearing. I honestly think I would go insane without music in my life. Without the cathartic release that music provides, I would explode. Possibly not so literally.

As far as my music tastes go, they are varied. I tell people I like a little bit of everybody from Abba to Zamfir. I listen to music in several languages: English, Spanish, French, Italian, Russian, Japanese and German. I honestly think that anybody who looked through my music collection would find something that they like.

A lot of my listening habits depend on my mood. If I'm depressed, I'll listen to something upbeat, like Pink or the All-American Rejects or possibly one of the couple Fall Out Boy songs I have. If I'm pissed off, I'll listen to Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff." If I'm driving, I have to have music going, whether it's a CD or my iPod or, at last resort, the radio. Every now and again, someone will ask me who my music guilty pleasure is. Well, I don't have one. I like who I like. If you don't approve, well, fuck off.

Anyway, I could go on and on and on about music. I think I might have already. So I'll quit now. Basically, music is essential to me. I love it.

How's that?

Tonight's Not the Night, Either...

2010-05-24T01:23:00.001-07:00

I'm still putting my thoughts together about music. I had a good line of thought going, but was thrown completely off kilter by a call I received at work.

I work the grave shift at a hotel. Tonight I received a call inquiring as to the room rate. I told the man what the rate was for two people and a dog. He asked if it was okay to rent the room to film an adult movie.

I asked how many people would be in the room. He said just two and the dog. One cameraman to film the caller having sex with the dog. I then told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable renting the room for the purpose of making an adult film as I do not know the manager's or the hotel chain's policies on the matter.

He got really defensive. He asked if we allowed dogs. I said yes. He asked if we allowed people to have sex. I said sure. He then asked why I wouldn't allow him to rent. I told him again that I wasn't sure on the policy and didn't feel comfortable.

He then asked if it was because of the bestiality. I told him that his personal practices weren't any business of mine. He pursued the point, trying to make it a case of discrimination. He asked if I was against bestiality. I told him it wasn't my cup of tea. He then asked if necrophilia was, and that he could bring a dead girl instead of the dog.

At this point, I said, "I'm sorry, I'm hanging up now."

I swear this actually happened tonight. I'm not sure if it was a prank call. If a call is a prank call, I can usually hear laughter in the background. There was some people noise in the background, but no laughter. And he seemed truly offended that I was against bestiality.

It was weird. So now my thoughts are rather jumbled. I promise a post on music is coming. Tomorrow most likely.

Weird.

I Just Don't Feel Like It...

2010-05-23T02:31:00.000-07:00

...Not anymore.

I've got a post planned for sometime in the near future. I was going to write it tonight, but I just don't feel like it.

What will it be about? An exploration of how I feel about music and what it means to me.

Why don't I feel like it tonight? A combination of things, really. The last twenty-four hours or so have been a roller coaster ride; lots of ups and downs. I accomplished a lot last night at work. Read a chapter of Don Quijote. Did some writing. Felt good about myself. Once the end of my shift drew near, things got worse. A whole bunch of things happened that I probably shouldn't let affect me, but they did.

This evening was going well. I received a new disc of Eli Stone episodes in the mail from Netflix. I already watched them, too. Great show. I really enjoy it and I am starting to really draw inspiration from it. I came in to work two hours early. I read two chapters of Don Quijote. I'm actually starting to enjoy reading this book. It's slow going, but I like it. That's a plus. I didn't think I'd enjoy reading it after the disastrous class I took on the book eight years ago.

But now? I'm just tired. And a little depressed. And I just don't feel like searching myself to find and describe how I feel about music.

Maybe tomorrow.

Step On Out Part 2

2010-05-22T00:57:00.000-07:00

I just recaptured a little bit of my childhood.

I went to Groovacious Monday to see if Tim could order in a copy of Step On Out by the Oak Ridge Boys. His normal supplier didn't have it in stock, but Tim said he'd try a couple other places and let me know the result. I got a call from him this evening saying that the CD had just come in.

I bought the CD and listened to it as soon as I got home. No wonder I wore out the cassette tape I owned in the 80s.

I enjoyed each song. When I listen to a song, I use iTunes' rating system. Step On Out had two five-star songs, seven four-star songs, and one three-star song. That makes it one of the highest-rated albums I own. Now, nostalgia may be coloring my judgement, but it's my song library and I can rate it how I like.

I honestly can't wait to listen to the album all the way through again.

It made my day.

I Don't Have a Clever Title...

2010-05-21T01:12:00.000-07:00

...but I feel the need to write. Titles are the most difficult part of anything I write. Oh well.

I need to call UHEAA. They own my student loans. And, apparently, I'm not in deferment, even though I'm in school full time. I'd like to find out why. If I have to make payments this summer, I'm not going to be able to save up for anything I'd like to acquire. Oh well.

I think I may need to find a different ward to attend. The people in the ward I went to last week were very friendly. That was nice. Made me feel welcome. But when it came time to sing hymns, I felt I was the only one singing. Being able to sing the bass line of hymns with a group of people was one of the principle reasons I decided to attend church again. If I can't have that because everyone else is mumbling the hymn, then what's the point? Oh well.

On a brighter note, I really, really like the show Eli Stone. I realize I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, as it only lasted 2 seasons. However, it is a very inspirational show that resonates emotionally with me.

As far as shows that are currently being broadcast go, I can't wait for the series finale of Lost. It airs this Sunday. Also, this week's episode of Glee was phenomenal. Neil Patrick Harris was fun to watch and listen to. He has a great voice. Some surprising reveals as far as character motivations go. The season finale of Bones was very emotional for the characters, and for me. I can't wait to see where they go when it comes back in the fall. And I can't wait for the DVDs of this season to come out so I can buy them.

I can't ride my bike to work just yet. Actually, that isn't true. I could ride it to work just fine. It would just take me a long time to get home. The return trip is all uphill. So i will build up some endurance first, and see where I'm at in a couple weeks. I enjoy riding though, and it's a great workout.

Things are, overall, going well for me. Too bad I think I can feel a panic attack coming on.

Walking in Memphis...

2010-05-17T02:08:00.001-07:00

...has nothing to do with this post. I just heard that song on the radio at work and I really like it, so there you go.

After I leave work tomorrow, I think I will walk to Walmart and purchase a bicycle. I know, I know, Walmart is of the devil, but if there were another store in town that had a bike anywhere near as cheap, I would go there. That's just how it goes sometimes.

Also, I went to church today. First time in a long time. I've been contemplating the pros and cons of going for quite a while now. What pushed me over the edge? A comic book series called Transmetropolitan. Transmet was written by Warren Ellis. It stars a character named Spider Jerusalem, a journalist. From what I understand, he was loosely based on Hunter S. Thompson. I think there's a lot of Warren Ellis in him, too. It's an amazing comic book. It makes me want to write. In the book, Spider moves back to the City because he needs to write and he can't write unless he's miserable and hated and the City makes him feel this way. Church doesn't necessarily make me feel miserable and hated. At least, not all the time. I figure that it will give me something to write about when I am lacking in ideas. So that and wanting to arrange to play the piano every now and again made me decide to go to church.

I'm going to apply for a part-time job at Domino's, to go along with my job at the Quality Inn. I work graves at the hotel, and sleep in the mornings, so working evening for a couple hours at Domino's will work out nicely. Just for the summer. I want to buy a flat-screen TV, and this will let me accomplish that much sooner. I am putting money aside out of every paycheck, as I don't want to go into more debt for just a TV.

Maybe I'm growing up.

Step On Out...

2010-05-13T03:32:00.001-07:00

...is the name of an Oak Ridge Boys album I had when I was a kid. It was released in 1985, so I was at least 8 years old when I got it.

I listened to it so much I wore it out. It wouldn't play at all. I was crushed when I discovered this.

Listening to the Oak Ridge Boys made me want to sing. More specifically, listening to the Oak Ridge Boys made me want to sing like Richard Sterban. He's the bass. Now, I don't have the incredibly deep range he does, but I do okay. And I love to sing in choirs, quartets, duets, the car, the shower, and sometimes in class.

I'm no longer self-conscious about my voice. I don't mind who hears me sing. I used to hide "behind" the other voices in the choirs I sang with, but now I love to sing out and be noticed.

Back to "Step On Out." I can't find this album for download. I use legal sites, like iTunes, but they don't have it. I looked for mp3 downloads of the album, and I can't find it. Some sellers on amazon.com have it, but I really don't like to use the independent sellers. No real reason, I just don't.

If I remember, I'm going to check with Groovacious this week. I really want to have this album again.

Lost in La Mancha...

2010-05-05T19:19:00.001-07:00

Just watched this documentary about Terry Gilliam's attempt to film "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote." Interesting documentary.

Honestly? I would love to see the film that Gilliam wanted to make. They showed several shots of Jean Rochefort in the Quixote costume and he fit the image I have in my mind. Almost exactly. It was incredible!

It seemed oddly appropriate to watch this film right now. I just finished On Writing by Stephen King, and the next book on my list that I want to read is Don Quixote.

I can't wait to get started!

Before I do, though, I've decided to watch Pan's Labyrinth again. I keep putting it off because when I watched it in the theater, it was very powerful and deeply affected me. I love it and I fear it.

Is that normal?

Summer Reading List

2010-05-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

It seems like a good idea.

I've read a couple lists recently where quite a few people are planning to read 16 books in the 16 weeks between now and when the fall semester starts. I like that concept, but the books I wanted to assign myself to read aren't books that I can read that quickly. If I finish early, I'll pick some more, but I want to start with a somewhat reachable goal.

Also, I will be reading a lot of books that are fun, quick reads. Books I've read over and over again. So those won't count towards my list, though I may mention them in future blogs.

Here's my reading list:

1. Don Quixote de La Mancha: (In Spanish) My very first semester at SUU, I took a class where we were supposed to read this book. By the middle of the semester everybody, including the professor, had purchased the sparknotes summary. Not an effective class, but I've been meaning to read this book since then.

2. En la Ardiente Oscuridad: (In the Burning Darkness). Spanish play about a University for blind students. I read this while at Dixie, and enjoyed it, but I want to read it again, now that I understand Spanish literature a little better.

3. Les Miserables: (Lez Mizzer-rabbleez) Actually going to attempt to read this in French. I only own the first half of the story, so that's what I'll read. I imagine it will take forever. I would much rather have some Hugo poetry books to read, but I'll take this in the meantime.

4. I have a book of French poetry that I haven't read yet. So it goes on the list. I can't remember the title.

5. On Writing, by Stephen King: I don't want to write like Stephen King, but my creative writing professor read some snippets from this book and King makes some points that I find very useful. So I'm going to read the entire book on my own.

So there's my reading list. Really looking forward to summer now. I have two very big novels to read in foreign languages, two smaller works in the same two languages, and a helpful book on writing.

Should be fun!

Just Some Thoughts...

2010-05-01T01:10:00.000-07:00

...about some things I think about.

I generally don't like to broadcast my views when it comes to political "hot-topics." I generally feel that my opinions are my opinions and that I don't need to foist them off on other people. Even if asked, I'll usually hedge my way around answering, give non-answers, that sort of thing.

However, with the recent law enacted in Arizona, I feel like I need to get some thoughts off of my chest. Or head. Whatever.

When it comes to the Hispanic community, I'm in a rather unique position. After they get to know me, I usually get accepted as an honorary member of the Hispanic community. I speak Spanish fluently, which gives me an in, and my mindset is more affiliated with the Hispanic mindset than most gringos.

I'm against illegal immigration. Not so much because I don't want them in the country, but because I believe in obeying the law. When I go to another country, I make sure I jump through all the hoops to be there legally. And I believe in the Golden Rule, so I feel that people coming to my country should do the same.

This new law in Arizona feels like it's a way for the state to help Sheriff Arpaio avoid lawsuits for doing what he always does: go out and round up anybody who looks like an illegal immigrant. This usually translates to anybody who looks Mexican. Arizona keeps saying that they won't fall back on racial profiling, but that feels like this is exactly where they are heading.

It makes me very uncomfortable.

I wonder if those that had a hand in drafting this new law have ever spent any amount of time living in another country. I lived in Peru for two years, and it sucks to get singled out for looking different than the majority of those around you. I can relate to how the Hispanic community in Arizona is feeling now. This new law just feels wrong.

And those are my thoughts.

A Little Anxious...

2010-04-18T00:46:00.000-07:00

...about what's coming next.

You've heard that bad luck comes in threes? I have, and it worries me.

First bad "luck": My Dad has two mini-strokes, which spark the onset of hereditary mental disorders, landing him first in the VA Hospital's mental ward, then in a care center in the St. George area.

Second bad "luck": Mom is a passenger in a van that rolls six times while moving at freeway speeds. No one was killed, luckily, but Mom shatters her right shoulder and breaks her left tibia.

Third bad "luck": Your guess is as good as mine. It has me watching over my shoulder, though.

Back to Mom's accident and her subsequent stay in the hospital. She had gone to Phoenix, AZ to visit her siblings. Had a great time. On the way back, about 30 miles south of Flagstaff, AZ my Aunt Tina, who was driving, attempted to change lanes. Unfortunately, there was a car in her blind spot.

A highway patrolman witnessed the accident and counted the number of rolls: six. The vehicle stopped rolling passenger side down. This means my mother was on the bottom, with Aunt Tina dangling in the air above her, suspended by her seat belt. My cousin and her three kids, who were in the back of the minivan, had been jumbled and rocked and rolled.

I haven't heard any details on the other vehicle, just that they were injured. No deaths. In my family's car Aunt Tina broke a rib and my cousin's oldest was concussed. And Mom broke bones. She got the worst of it, that's for sure.

I'm just glad that everyone is relatively okay.

Notre Dame de Paris....

2010-04-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

...is a fantastic musical. Just fantastic.

Okay, here's the story. Back when I worked at the Taco Bell in St. George, I worked with Amanda. Amanda took French in high school and had some French music. She loaned me two cds from a musical that I then copied into my iTunes.

These CDs comprised the soundtrack to Notre Dame de Paris. The more I listened to these CDs, the more I understood the music, and the more I understood the music, the more I came to love many of the songs. To the point that I haven't listened to the songs in order for a long time. They play randomly whenever I'm listening to my iTunes music collection.

A while back I found out that there was a DVD of a live performance of the musical, featuring the original cast. I really, really wanted the DVD, but it was rare enough that Amazon.com didn't have a copy in stock and all the used copies were going for about $100. Way too much for a DVD. Even if I had the money, I didn't want to pay that amount.

A week ago, I got a very nice tax refund. Very nice. While most of it is going into savings, I did want to have a little bit of fun. I check Amazon.com again. This time they have it in stock, for half the price I would have paid before. I decided to go for it.

I'm glad I did. The DVD case is actually a book that includes all the lyrics to the songs. Makes it nice for me, as I can now read the lyrics to songs that I didn't fully understand before. Spoiler alert: Everybody dies. And Phoebus is a bastard. End Spoiler.

So I watch the DVD through. I don't know if there are spoken lines in the musical. I would imagine so, but I don't know. The DVD just shows the songs and doesn't show any transitions between them, unless one song goes right into the next.

Watching the DVD altered my opinions about the performers just a little. I still don't like Esmeralda's voice a whole lot, but I appreciate her character a little more. Quasimodo's physical performance is pretty amazing. Of all the singing voices, my favorite is still Patrick Fiori, who plays Phoebus. I don't like his character any more, but I love his voice. Phoebus is a bastard. And Disney completely invented that happy ending.

Anyway, I can't wait for the semester to be over so I can have more free time to watch this DVD again. It's AMAZING!